Me, Myself and I

Going along with the examples put before me as I grew up, I found that putting my focus on myself was considered to be selfish.

Then I 'made friends' with Joyce Meyers.  I love her books.  I like to listen to her on television.  I have also been listening to Charles Stanley and Kenneth Copeland.  I need those kinds of teachers and friends.  It is helping me to quiet the anger, and just take things as they come. 

I attended the women's bible study last week and will again each week until the book is done.  We support each other with bible teachings, sharing our stories and giving encouragement, perspective, and prayer.  I met someone new there last week who shared her divorce story with me afterwards.  She had been married for 34 years and raised 2 boys.  Since her ex was once the superintendent of our city schools, the scandal of his affairs and their divorce was splashed across the front of the small town newspaper.  It has been 10 years and she is still bitter.  She also still lives in this small town, even though she teaches elsewhere.  I would not stay here if that was the case.

Hearing other women's stories of their divorces focuses the light more intently on how blessed I have been throughout my divorce.  Divorce, no matter what, is hell.  In my case, the marriage was not great and I wanted out anyway.  I really have no idea why I was so angry at him about it.  God helped me out. 

I have learned more about the replacement of me that he chose than I ever wanted to find out.  My son just recently discovered she is also 12 years younger than his dad.  Our son says that by looking at her FB page and what she writes on it and how she writes, she is somewhat of a teenager.  I told him that she is his dad's age then...maturity wise.  They will do well together.  Let them be.  It is not hard for me to slough them off.  It is more difficult for the kids to have to put up with the fact that their father is emotionally younger than they are.  At some point, they will figure out what to do with him/about him.  Right now, we all seem okay with him not around and not having to deal with him.  The kids haven't communicated with him since the FB pictures that were posted by Baby Spice (my nickname for her).  My son did send his dad an email but he has not talked to his dad.  Evil Spawn (aka Skunk Weed) tried calling TJ but TJ did not answer and has not returned the call...over a week later.

I am formulating a plan for myself...my physical, emotional, and career.  One day at a time.

As for the kids and their relationships...TJ and Brit had a big blow out last week and I thought it was the end.  But, it turned out that they actually got a lot of things out in the open, and seemed to come to some agreements on things.  They SEEM to be getting along better than ever.  As long as they can communicate, it is good. 

Jordan moved into his own place that I grudgingly call The Shack...cuz, well...it is.  But he wanted his own place.  Not sure why he was in such a hurry about it.  I am just concerned because he is working long hours at his new asst mgr. stint at the local Domino's and missed the return date for his studies this semester.  He was whining about missing classes...I told him not to lose sight of his goal.  Bethany will be done with her schooling next November and will be finding her first job.  If he is still diddling around a year from then, and they are still together, they may not be after that.  She will move on.  He was acting rather, as the kids say, buttish for a bit.  But I guess he was just over tired...I don't know.  Bethany was perturbed with him.  Maybe it was the weather.

Tonight I was glad to be such a planner.  I made sure each of the kids had jumper cables, a quart of oil, a funnel and a container of coolant in their cars.  When one of the girls went to leave work tonight her battery was dead.  No one had jumper cables except Bethany.  She was so proud that momma had the foresight to supply her with them.  I just want to make sure my kids are not caught out there with no way to help themselves. 

Now, to sleep so that I can start my day off with my exercise, a decent breakfast, and hitting the job boards and sending out applications.  I also have a lot of filing to do. Things are piling up.  I hate filing.  LOL