My son and his fiancé went through a bad place. They had their first real argument. They made it through it but I am sad because it seems like they disagree an awful lot. I am afraid they think it is a normal way of being. TJ grew up with a lot of arguing and tension between his dad and I. Brit grew up with the same. I pray it works its way out.
I have been feeling pretty good...except for my short bit of depression over my ass supervisor's 9 month review with me. I soon learned not to take it too personal because most of the ppl on the floor have been wanting to off him lately. I told them he has been going cold turkey off diet coke. The diet part hasn't done him any good.
Other than that, I have been feeling pretty happy. Especially the last few days. I know I have been here before but here I am again...I realized the magnitude of my happiness increases with every day that I don't hear from my husband. I came home from work feeling really good tonight...hadn't talked with him since probably last Thursday. But tonight he called and I answered the phone. And...it was like someone letting all the air out of the tires on the car.
I get angriest at myself for allowing myself to put up with it. All of these years.
My son said that Brit said that I am a good person and deserves to be happy. She said that if me and Troy can't work it out, I deserve to have a good man. I just looked at TJ and told him, "I'm pretty happy right now. With your dad in anther state, it isn't so bad. Your grandmother even said I am reminding her of the person I was before marrying Troy...she said she is seeing a glimmer of the old fighter."
I don't know about that...because I don't feel like I'm all that. However, I am calmer. I think it is because he isn't here that I can handle the job I have.
Which brings me to another point...ironically the ass supervisor's job is up for grabs. I don't really want it but it would enable me to pay the mortgage myself. I am putting in on it. I would have first choice over those with seniority because of my college degree.
I know one of the things they want is someone with 2 years of supervisory experience but that can't be all that important because my supervisor didn't have any of that experience.
Every night I pray for God to give me a place that will help me live my life without depending on Troy for anything. I have done all I can with him. And I am tired of feeling like less than I am. I have gotten angry with too many ppl that I feel need to take responsibility for their own lives. I guess I should look in the mirror. If I could physically kick my own butt I would.
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