What Next?

I try not to question my faith.  I know I have made mistakes and had to ask forgiveness and become the Christian I am supposed to be.  I get anxious and then realize I should pray and let God take care of it.  I should not question why things happen becuz I figure God knows what He is doing and this is where the faith part comes in.

Today, though, I am having a really bad time comprehending. 

Way back when I was in 3rd grade in school I made up my mind I wanted to be a teacher.   I never changed my mind about it.  As I went through school I made mental notes on what to do and not do once I became a teacher.  I graduated and my parents spent a lot of money on making sure I got my college education.  I spent a lot of time and energy on it.  I worked part-time jobs, also, to help finance it.  I took tests, I took grad. classes in the latest education 'trends' and got good grades; I got my license.

I recently interviewed with an eLearning school for a teaching position.  I realize I have been out of the classroom for 9 years but not out of the education loop, so to speak.  I have been a home school monitor with my teenagers for most of that time.  I have been on the opposite side of the eLearning classroom.  I have taken classes in how to use and incorporate various internet and computer applications with students.  AND when I was a classroom educator, I was very dedicated to making sure each and every one of my students were able to achieve their best. 

Today I get the "thanks but no thanks' email.  Again. 

I have hit my head against this brick wall so many times I am surprised I'm not in a major coma.

I guess I can thank God that he has allowed my husband to succeed in his endeavors...even with a stint with crack abuse, pot smoking, etc.  Bitter?  no. 

I just don't understand!!!  I tried to step out and maybe do something else but that got me nowhere but stuck with $6000 in student loans to pay.  Just where am I supposed to go and what am I supposed to do? 

I need some answers.  I need some direction.  And today is just not a good day to talk to me becuz I'm busy with a pity party.