What A Week

I did it.  I finished the paver patio.  Well, the main part is done and I got the firepit set.  I still need to put a brick edging around the patio to make it look nicer but that can wait until Fall...when the heat goes away.  It has been way too blessedly hot and humid.

It still has a lot of sand on the pavers but it there was a day of heavy downpours the next day  and it pretty much washed them off.  The grass in my back yard is dead now because of the high heat and many many days of no rain.   And this needs an outdoor couch or some outdoor chairs.  I have to put some gravel around the firepit.

Troy is on his way here in his new truck and hauling his old car to give to Bethany.  He will drop it and take off to his mom's for a few days.  He is also stopping to meet some woman he met online who lives in Cleveland.  She is in her 50s, is a divorcee and is very nice looking.  A blonde with big blue eyes.  At first I felt something not nice but I wasn't sure what it was.  Jealousy?  Hurt?  What?
Then I realized it was a bit of jealousy. Jealousy because he seems to be meeting other women but I am meeting no one. Once I decided what I was feeling this bad feeling about, I was okay.

To tell you the truth, I really do NOT see him settling down with another woman.  He likes his freedom too much right now.  He may change his mind about it at some point.  I just know that I would like a companion so I am not feeling so lonely.  However, once I sell this house and move closer to my family and other friends, I may not care.  I do like my freedom, too.

I am actually relieved to realize that I don't care if he has someone else in his life.  I know I don't love him.  I have made my peace with the fact that he and I never belonged together.  And it is best this way.  He is just an ass about how he does things.  He will never change.  He doesn't think things through.

Beyond all of that...

Work was busy and hectic.  Next week will be a short week for me and I really won't have all that much to do.  I have Thursday and Friday for vacation days before the wedding.  Then the Monday after the wedding I will be starting my classes for Intervention Specialist.  I am NOT looking forward to another year of college classes but it has to be done if I want a better paying teaching job.  If I was still married to Troy, I would just keep the job I have and be happy with it.  But, I have to make better money.

My son is getting married.  wow.

Projects

It is hard for me to realize that in 2 weeks...TWO WEEKS my son will be getting married.
I have to tailor his suit pants yet...alter Bethany's dress...perhaps alter mine.

I was not really thrilled with the dress I got so I found another one to order.  I am waiting for its arrival.  It will be here by next Wednesday.  I also ordered a different pair of shoes.  By the time I get the second dress and second pair of shoes I will know which one gets kept and which one gets returned.  Cutting it close but that is the way everything has been going.

I had to do a lot of work to straighten out the mess created by changing home owner's insurance.  But, it is taken care of now.  Took 2 weeks but it is done.

I FINALLY got the document I need from the mortgage company to prove to the IRS that I don't owe them anymore money.  It is my fault in the first place because the one I had when I filed is missing.  I don't know how or where it went because I keep everything together in folders but this time this ONE document was missing from the folder.  It took me 3 weeks, 4 emails and 4 calls to get the thing.  I was kinda irked by the 3rd phone call but I was a controlled pleasant.

I drove 169 miles and almost 3 hours Monday night to the convention center for the beginning of school meetings.  Tuesday late afternoon I left and drove 169 miles and almost 3 hours back home because back in March I had bought tickets for a Goo Goo Dolls/Collective Soul/Tribe Society concert that Bethany wanted to go to with me.  In June the powers that be announced that we would have our school meetings at the beginning of August instead of the end...and the concert date was in the middle of it.  Oh well.

So, after the concert, I drove home with Bethany (it was a 15 minute drive), was in bed at 12:30 a.m, got up at 4:30, got ready and drove almost 3 hours back to the convention ctr for another day of meetings that turned out to be a lot of thumb twiddling.  After 7 hours of that, I drove almost 3 hours back home.  Yay.  And then I had to listen to Troy yap on the phone for about 40 minutes.  I kept trying to get off the phone and he kept saying, "Wait!" and he would talk some more.  Finally I heard Bethany come home from work and I told him, "your daughter's home from work.  I'll let you talk to her."  and there was the hand off.

He told me he was going to call the next night to 'discuss' when he would be here for the wedding, etc.  I did not know why because he could more easily send me a text or email.  BUT he never called.  I know what day he is planning on showing up...that's all I need to know.

Thursday was the real work day...the real first day of work.  I ended up working an hour longer than I should have.  Not a good start.

Friday...today...it was a 2 hour long cyber meeting and by the time we were done, it was as clear as mud.  There are two different groups of kids that we are split up to deal with.  She was trying to address everyone at once.

Here is what I do know...by the end of the day, I found out which copy of which email to send out to the students and their learning coaches...so I did.  I have my notes on each student ready...all tucked away in the pages of my One Note digital notebook.  Come Monday there will be a lot of phone calls, discussion, training the parents and students.  Lonnie and I get to 'babysit' the students that ended the school year badly but have returned. We have to make sure they all (and their parents) get started off on the right foot and know how to not get tossed out.  The State is ripping charter schools apart and we are ruling with an iron fist.

Tomorrow morning is supposed to be fairly cooler for a while so I AM going to finish the paver patio so I can be done with it.  The patio will be done, the firepit set, Then I don't have to keep looking at an unfinished project.

My kitchen is not finished.  It needs new cupboard pulls and the baseboards I have to finish repainting.

The main bathroom still needs the new timer switch wired in.  Then that is done.

The livingroom needs one more coat of paint on one of the walls.  The baseboards need repainted.   The window treatments need hung.  Pictures on the walls.

Then those projects are COMPLETE.

When fall gets cooler I have gutters to paint.  I just MIGHT use the paint sprayer.  It is a lot of work but it needs to be done.

I will be starting classes after the wedding.  I would love to veg but that is not going to happen.  I have to prepare myself for a better paying teaching job after Bethany is out of college and ready to move somewhere else.  I will sell the house and move closer to family and friends.  And I should be able to pick up an Intervention Specialist job somewhere around there.  It will be difficult to move with 3 dogs.

I will cross the bridges when I get to them.  I will figure it out when I have to.

Standing Solid

All my ranting and raving/wailing and gnashing of teeth.  2 years of it.  Over.  Really over.   Last night some REAL finally seeped in.  And all because of the purchase of a truck.

I did not buy a truck...Troy did.  He called me and told me about it because he is giving our daughter his old car.  And his old car is  NICE one.  She is thrilled.

I listened to him and I realized something...it was crystal clear:  I would not choose him.  NOW, in my old age wisdom, I know that I would not choose him  In fact, I don't know how I would have ever met him.  My oldest sister is right...had I not gone with her to that bar for her birthday, we would have never met.  And my life (and his) would not have started on a miserable journey for the next 27 years.

He and I never belonged together and we ended up making each other unhappy because of it.  I was lonely all of that time.

And what really made me get that was he was telling me about the stuff he does with his friends.  He has told me about his friends and they are the same type of friends he had when I met him....they just had more money.  He told me he wanted a different life when I met him.  What I was too dumb to know is what he really wanted was the same friends BUT with more money.  He likes the drunken, foul mouthed friends.  I don't mean to make that sound like I am looking down my nose but they are just not what I was raised around,  He was.  I am uncomfortable with that but he loves it.  Ergo...he and I never belonged together.

So, throughout the course of listening to him, I realized that that horrible feeling I had in my chest was a mixture of jealousy and resentment.  Jealous because he has all of this money and can afford to just go out and buy another vehicle.  I can't...at least not at this time.  Resentment because I spent a lot of years taking care of him and a family and then I get to start at the bottom of the pay scale again.  
THEN I also realized that I was basically dishonoring God because He has taken care of me.  I have a job I love and things have been working out okay.  Things will continue to get better.  My job does not pay much, which is the downside.  But when the time is right, I will move on and up and find a better paying position.  Perhaps a really nice guy will come along and I can have a decent relationship.  He doesn't have to make a lot of money.  As long as he makes as much as I am now it will be good.

I am sad that Troy and I spent so many years making each other unhappy.  But, it is time gone and I have 2 pretty great kids.  I had a wonderful wonderful life with them.  Troy missed out on a lot of that.  He was too busy spending his time with the friends he thought were a good time.

Priorities.

And Troy stuck around to support his family.  He did a good job.  He is not a monster.  It is just that he made us all suffer for his unhappiness.  ALL of us.  But that is over.

On to a shiny new day.  As I said, things will get better.  I just get impatient to meet my new 'someone'.  Hope he isn't too far down the road!