I Can Die Now

So, I bought some Amberen.  It is an OTC med for women going through menopause.  I bought it for many reasons...mostly for my mood. And to rid myself of the horrible hot flashes.  It promises to balance out hormones so that it resets your moods (please, get me out of this never ending depression/funk!), get rid of hot flashes, perhaps help you regain some energy, and maybe help you be able to lose weight.

I have taken it for 5 days and it has already elevated my mood from the chronic depression to feeling pretty good...optimistic even.

Then  read an article about people that have a condition known as: Perennial nonallergic rhinitis.  I read all the symptoms and it is me!  I thought I had a regular seasonal allergy but then, it turned into year round.  I do not have the itchy eyes.  and the worst part is the fatigue that keeps getting worse. So I ordered the nasal spray that is supposed to 'fix' it.  I got it today.  So, I tried it right away.  I had to use it twice because of the sinus congestion.  You shake it up and spray it in your nostrils...and at first it brings some tears to your eyes. Then...voila...head cleared out.  I can breathe...no sinus headache!

Needless to say...I am finally feeling better.  FINALLY!

I found out today that I WILL be moved to an Intervention Specialist position but it may not be until after school officially begins for the students.  That is fine.  I will begin next week in my old position and stay there for about 3 weeks.  School officially begins in 3 weeks.  It will just give me more free time to do things around the house.

I had to do some repairs in the sunroom.  The one door needed new hardware...spring loaded strike plate and a new piston closer.  Should have been easy enough to replace but new things do not necessarily fit in place of the old things.  Nothing is easy.

And to share a story I posted on my FB page...
Funny story...came to Lowe's to get some more screen. Guy has his teenage son with him and is showing him some kind of hardware and comparing things and giving him a 'lesson'. Suddenly there is a loud yelp and the guy starts jumping around and yelling, "aaahhh! There was a spider on it!" His son is laughing, I walked over and the thing was whirling on the floor, not even as big as the nail on my pinky. I brought my foot down on it. He quit jumping and said, "Thank you! You saved my life!! That thing touched my hand!!" I looked at him, shook my head, turned around and was laughing as I walked away...while his son is cracking up. So...I saved someone's life today. Hahahaha!

My life's purpose has been fulfilled....

Nothing Rhymes With Purpose

July 29.  I was hoping that by now it would be just another day on the calendar.  It still triggers a bad feeling in the depths.  It used to mark my wedding anniversary.

This year it just so happens that one of my favorite bands is playing at a nearby venue.  7 years ago, when I was still married, we all had tickets to see them.  They were playing a concert after an Indians game.  You bought the game tickets and you got the concert.  But it poured.  Everything cancelled.  Had to cash the tickets back in. 

So, 7 years later...we get to see them.  Lifehouse...and Switchfoot.

The trip home was okay.  Mom is anxious about Dad slowing down and forgetting things.  Dawn just complains about everything.   I had to have a talk with both of them...about facing reality.  Now isn't that the blind leading the blind? 
I came home and have been in a nearly immobile depression every since. 

I need a purpose.  Something that makes me move. 

I think the thing that sent me to the depths was the email from our Team lead.  She accepted a job with another e-school...one headquartered close to where she lives.  She is going to be dean of students.  While I am happy for her, it hit me.  Change.  Ppl leaving.  Things changing.  The world spins so fast within that kaleidoscope of constant change. 

I am anxious about the new job coming up.  Of course, I have not heard from them about where they will put me.  I may not move...

I am sick of change.  There was that short period of time where we stayed where we were.  The kids were fairly stable.  But then everything took a really big shift...followed by another...then more of the same.  I would just love to get settled.  Then...find a purpose to move...but not make big changes.

Vertigo

Sometimes you feel like life is just spinning out of control.  Sometimes you feel like things are spinning because you panic.  I have experienced the latter.  And I do not know what I am panicking about.  Just random anxiety.

My family all gathered at my parents' for the July 4th holiday.  Well, my kids and I were not there.  My son was working.  Bethany was not working but Jordan was.  She came over to do some grilled food for dinner, we had some drinks, walked to the city park to watch the fireworks and walked back home for some strawberry-rhubarb dessert.

My mother called me the next night to tell me that my father had spent the 4th in bed because he had passed out that morning.  She said they decided it was his vertigo.  They decided.  He passed out briefly.  I could tell she was all nerved up.  My younger sister and her family was staying at the house.  My mom gets very easily flustered anymore.  Luckily, they left this morning and I talked to my dad who sounded pretty good.  He said he was fine.  He said it was just some vertigo.   Hhhmmmm...after the meds he is on every since that full length clot in his right leg 3 years ago...I am not totally convinced but he said he is having blood work and a check up done on Monday so I pray he is going to be okay.

Back to Bethany....she is having second thoughts.  She is not sure, anymore, that Jordan is the one.  She seems to think that she may have missed out on a pretty great guy. When she told me who it was...oi.  I told her that she really needs to think about who this guy is and his problems.  She is not going to make his world better because it is up to him to figure things out and he DOES have a lot of things to over come.  It is fine if they are friends but he is NOT her guy.  I told her that she just needs to concentrate on whether Jordan is her guy all by himself and not be thinking someone, specifically, would be better because the grass is not greener. Each person comes with his own set of negativities.
I guess I will need to help her sort things out.

However...I am still working on sorting out my own pile...