How Do You Share a Pizza with Yourself?

The weirdest thing...

It is weird things that get me upset.

Tonight my daughter spilled a glass of ice water on the livingroom carpet.  I ran to get a towel from the linen closet and when I got back Max was trying to lick up the ice chips.  Jack tried to get one and they started fighting.  I was smacking Max trying to get him off of Jack and they finally quit. 

I finished soaking up the water and had to leave the room.  I started crying because...I did not have someone there to share that moment with.  My daughter was there but I had realized I had thought about calling Troy and telling him about it...then I remembered...that is not an option.

I really don't know why I had thought to call him and tell him.  It isn't like he had taken calls from me and listened to anything I had to tell him once he left for Kansas.  He never really was 'available' and when he did call me it was on his way home from work and I got to listen to him complain about the traffic.  Then he would cut it off by telling me he was going to go home and eat and fall asleep.  The weekends were worse.  NO communication.

I think it is just that I am anxious to have a normal relationship with a guy.  I am anxious to have a PARTNER. 

I signed up on one of those online dating sites.  Committed myself to it.  I got a message from a guy that lives in the next town east of here.  He said he wanted to talk to me if I was interested after reading his profile.  The woman that he described as who he was looking for was ME.  And his description of himself was ideal.  So...I sent him back a message that I was interested too.  But, that was 2 days ago and he hasn't replied.  Either he changed his mind or...

It made me nervous and I wasn't sure I am ready...but WHEN would I be ready?  I know he might not have been THE ONE anyway but you don't know if you don't try. 

And jobs...I am putting apps out for charter school teaching jobs.  And praying.