Fireworks

I can see the fireworks from my sunroom.  They set them off at the city park a couple of blocks away.  But I didn't watch them this year.  I stayed in the house, shut the windows and turned the air conditioner on.  I was the only one here with the dogs...and they are all very scared of the fireworks.  They could still hear the booming and sat at my feet and shivered for the half hour they lasted.

I texted with my son to find out what their day was like at the grandparents'.  He told me they all went to the spillway (half hour ride).  It is loaded with so many fish it is like a fish carpet.  Then he told me they were going to a popular local pizza place fashioned out of an old covered bridge called "Covered Bridge Pizza".  Imagine that.  THEN he said they were going to Geneva-on-the-Lake.  That kinda scared me.  I hung out there on summer nights with friends when I had graduated from school.  There was a biker bar at each end of the strip then but in between was a Dairy Queen, bingo parlor, go carts, mini-golf and a video game arcade.  Things have changed drastically since then and I really do not know what to expect of that place anymore.  I told him to keep the girls close because it is full of bikers and drugs.  I know not all bikers are nasty...I know quite a few bikers.  And I know enough of them to know the odds are that a biker can't be trusted around your cute young daughter.

So, with that bit of knowledge from my son concerning their agenda for the evening, when my mother called me crying my heart sank.  "MOM! WHAT'S THE MATTER? WHAT HAPPENED?" Then she told me that one of my cousins had called...so I thought 'Aunt Joy died?' but no...Aunt Joy's oldest son had died...suddenly...no warning.  Massive heart attack and gone.  After my mother settled down, I had to tell her that while I feel badly about cousin Greg, she gave ME a heart attack calling me up crying when my kids were THERE and I immediately thought something had happened to one of them! 

I can't imagine what Aunt Joy must be feeling.  Her husband died about 3 years ago.  Now her oldest son.  Aunt Joy is about 85...or 6.  Possibly a bit older.  I lose track.  Kinda wondering how she is taking the news.  This may be the thing that puts her under. 

As for me...I'm still feeling drained.  Emotionally, physically.  I am SO TIRED of the anxiety/depression phases!  I want some joie de vivre! 

Dear God...I know you listen...and I know you are working on my life.  But could you fill me with a little joie de vivre?  I want to know what that is.  I know that the lineage from which I come was not exactly hard wired for such a thing BUT You are able to do anything.  So, please, send me some.  And, not to be greedy, but could you send me a year's supply..with an automatic refill?  Thank you for listening...and thank you in advance for hooking me up.