Giving

The worst part of divorce...when you are the one being divorced...

You ar ed essentially being told that you do not matter...you are not important...everything else is important...Mort important than you.

It is not having him in my life that bothers me.  He is a deeply messed up human being.  It is the fact that even though he was...is...messed up, I treated him like he mattered.  He treated me like I was a big inconvenience.

And I know that because he is a deeply messed up person that it is not me but my psyche can't seem to process that properly. 

I can only keep trying to salvage myself.

What's That I Feel...Is Someone Happy to See Me?

No...not a guy in my life.  ha ha!

I have been feeling ridiculously happy...not ABOUT anything.  Just not like I am dwelling in a hole somewhere. 

I have been doing a "partial" water fast.  It's partial because I do not do it for 24 hours at a time.  I drink LOTS of water...some with pink Himilayan salt and some with organic apple cider vinegar and some with nothing.  I also drink my coffee in the morning.  I take my supplements...magnesium, potassium, tumeric, D3, iron (every 3 days), B12 and panax ginseng.  I refer to it as breakfast.  Then I eat once...sensibly.  No sugar. 

Why am I doing this?  Because I am tired of the nerve/joint pain and the pain in my left heel.  The pain is starting to disappear and my brain fog is clearing a little.  So...it's a good thing.  The down side is I pee...A LOT.  ha ha!

I am still trying to get the weeds taken care of around here.  The weather is not cooperating.  I bought a ton of bushes for around my house and plants for my hanging baskets and flower pots.  I have a vision for the front of my house.  I just need the time...and umph.  I need new railing on my front steps....they took it off and I don't know why.  I have to undo all the terribleness that they did to the house.  My new roof looks really good though.  It helps lift the look of the house. Makes it look less hovel-like.  I am short but I am not a Hobbit.  Hobbit Hovel...ha ha. (no, I am not drunk)

Today was a day to make me thankful that I have not yet started the descent into the recesses of alzheimers or dementia.  I was spinning...at my computer.  Calls, classes, emails, posting notes, helping my son update his resume...You know how it is. You wake up and think you only have a certain number of things to do and before 9 a.m. it has suddenly doubled and other interruptions come along too.

My son has decided to try and come out of his comfort zone and try for a job that he knows nothing about.  It is a really good company...he is going to try sales.  They are a logistics company.  He didn't even really know what logistics is!  ha!  I had to describe it to him then I told him to call his uncle (my brother) because that is part of what he does for his company.  And I told him to do his research on the company.  He has a friend from his church that has a small marketing company that he has asked to help him prepare for the interview.  Oh, yeah...he has an interview.

He said he had a feeling on Monday that something good was going to happen this week. Then this company called him yesterday to set up a phone interview.  I am not sure if this is THE job for him but we will see.

Okay...energy level is low.  I am keeping Sr. Citizen hours...bed by 9, up extremely early in the morning.  Lucy doesn't seem to mind either.  We play chase in the driveway at least once a day. 

The Long Mediocre Summer

I am thinking I am going to put this house up for sale once I retire and go live in one of the local 55+ communities.  Most of them are double wide mobile home parks but the double wides are very nice.  I won't have to mow or shovel snow.  They check on the residence and provide transportation, if needed.  I am looking ahead.  My parents should have moved into something like that but my mother laments that they may have waited too long to sell their home.  They could move into a place like this but my mom, I think is worried about not having enough space to help her feel comfortable.  She doesn't realize that she needs to slow down.  I know them being so busy is what has probably kept them healthy but my father is slowing down considerably because of his blood clotting and high blood pressure issues and medication.  She has recently been showing signs of being over extended. 

My son lost his job.  iHeart media went to all of their radio stations across the country and let all of their street news reporters go...along with some inhouse news reporters.  Everything is being centralized.  He has been out of work for one week and is applying to everything that has a decent paying opening.  They gave him 2 months of severance pay and he has 2 months of unemployment after that.  I told him that I have been concerned about his job security for the last year.  I also told him not to just jump into the first thing that comes along because he could find himself stuck in a job that makes him miserable. 

I have advised him to look at this as an opportunity instead of a hinderance.  God sometimes has to give us a big boot in the butt to get us going in the right direction. 

Update on my old friend Benny:  He not only has throat cancer and is going for radiation treatments, he has a failing liver...cirrhosis.  They have to keep draining a lot of fluid.  He was released and is living with his widower father.  Heavy smoking, heavy drinking, lots of cheating on his wife.  It is all coming back on him in the worst way.  Even with all of that, he is a really nice guy...would give the shirt of his back to help others. 

Bethany and Jordan are planning on making a move up here by me next summer.  They may end up moving in with me.  He expressed to me that he does not know how they are going to coordinate 2 job transfers and securing a place to live all at once.  I told him that they may end up splitting up and moving in with me in order to secure job transfers for both of them. THEN they can look for a place of their own.  He conceded to maybe having to do that. 

In 7 more weeks, I hope to know whether or not I will be signing a contract with another online school.  It would be GREAT if I could.  I also know that I pray about it and if it would turn out not to be a good place for me to jump, then that door will not open for me. 

I am also considering a part-time summer job with Home Depot.  The plus side is I would get some instore employee discounts on things.  I am looking at redoing my kitchen...replacing my sliding glass doors, etc.  We will see...it would mean moving up my cataract surgery.  May 28th perhaps.

And is this going to be a quieter summer?  I may have my son and DIL moving in with me for a time.