Ho Ho Hope

I just read my last blog post. Ironically I am in the exact same spot today as I was then. I was doing well Friday night..and Friday at work. I am done with Christmas shopping...mostly. I did not know what to do about my parents or Troy's mom and step-dad. Then, I realized that what they just want right now, in the cold winter, is comfort. So, I am making 'winter comfort/survival' baskets filled with boxes of gourmet soup, assortment of hot chocolate flavors (sugar free for the diabetic step-dad), comforter, movies, and a jar of this wonderful winter dry skin treatment I found made out of soy oil, beeswax and some other flower oil. I may even throw in some aloe socks. I am glad the kids and I got the tree up last weekend. I have not put up my village in the diningroom bow window. Was going to do it this weekend along with baking cookies. I did not do either thing. I have just done the minimum vacuuming, laundry and cleaning in the kitchen. I have done some cooking but no baking. Not sure why I feel so blue and immobile. My muscles are sore in my legs and arms. I just feel blah and can't come out of it. Troy had told me a few weeks ago that there is a bit of a chance the company will expand and send him back here...and since he still has a home here with his family it would make sense. What will be will be. I am not physically able to even have the energy anymore to deal with any of it. I am thinking this is God's will. Troy hasn't been giving me a bad time about the bank account since I started working overtime hours and handling most of the bills myself. So the key seems to be to work myself as much as possible and not want some of his paycheck. He is happier being able to go out after work for dinner with some of his co-workers and have some drinks and go home. I don't expect him to be lonely but then, I don't have money to do anything after I pay the bills. Not that I have the energy for anything... Then again, I guess I stayed home for years and mooched off of him.