Definitions

I think about some things way too much.  It is summer and I actually enjoy getting outside and working in the garden…weeding out what I don’t want and planting what I do want.  While I am doing that, it is quiet.  I tried taking my MP3 player and headphones out there to keep me occupied but I discovered I preferred not having something piped into my head constantly.  I like being alone with my thoughts.  After all, when I’m in the house or the car, I have someone seeking me out to constantly tell me EVERYTHING of interest to them.  I love my family but what interests them, a lot, does not necessarily interest me and I don’t understand the fascination with so much talking.  Both of my kids are constantly txting AND talking with friends and my husband talks with LOTS of ppl all the time…it’s part of his job.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to know what is uppermost in their minds and life…the keyword being ‘uppermost’.  Cut to the chase.  Keep it simple.  I am just thankful for TiVo or I’d never be able to see/hear a whole show!
ANYWAY…these last few days I have been thinking about something that, ironically enough, our church youth pastor gave a sermon on yesterday: Not letting your past define you.
He used the examples of Judas and (Simon) Peter.  Judas betrayed Jesus.  He let his mistakes define him…and he ended up hanging himself.  Peter denied Jesus and was distraught but instead of letting it take him down, he picked himself up and went on to minister and witness to hundreds of ppl.
For some reason I had started thinking back through my life and thinking about how I had changed and all the things that shaped me into the person I am.  Some things I can’t explain and I guess there are just personality traits that you are born with and stuck with.  Sometimes, there are personality traits that you try to change and it ends up causing other problems…kind of like trying to divert a river to flow somewhere else…while it may help out one piece of geography it will kill another piece and tip the eco-system.
I will probably start writing down bits and pieces of my life just so I can step back and look at it and see if I can figure out what has caused me to be who I am and decide what is okay to let define me and what I need to put in the trash bag and set by the curb.
I know, I know…I am 50 and why bother?  Becuz, I have been concentrating on helping the ones I am closest to figure out what should define them and what needs to change for the past 30+ years and it is time I did that for me…becuz introspection is the hardest thing to do…becuz I am not dead yet and I figure I still have 25-30 years left in me (unless, of course, God decides it is time to pull the plug on this whole planet) and I want those years to be the best ones I can live.