Fall Back

Beginning of November already? ??

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I put in a new long shirt and leggings.  I lost 2 months of my life sitting in front of a computer and it SHOWS. I should have been out walking Lucy while it was nice weather but...nnnoooo...I was doing homework and writing IEPs!!!   Ugh.

There has GOT to be more to life than this.

Yay Me

A moment to breathe.

This job has been crazy.  The class is finally over.  I finished it up and handed it in. Just hoping for a solid B just to get the credit.

I am becoming more familiar with IEPs.  They still have some mystery to me.  However, I am doing them in less time.

My daughter had a melt down and I had to move her back home. She quit her relationship and she quit her college classes...she was one big ball of anxiety and swirling around the drain.

That was 2 weeks ago. Today she said that she is feeling comfortable with her job.  She misses Jordan but knows she is not ready for the living together thing.  She says she is pretty sure she wants to go back to her psych classes but will wait and explore other possibilities.

TJ and Brit go through a monthly struggle of 'shall we get a divorce or just hang in there?'

I have finally reached a point where Douche is but a blip on my conscious radar.  I simply don't care.  In fact if he enters my mind at all, I feel an overwhelming sense of tired.  I have heard enough from him and he is a 50+ year old man acting like a teenager.  Thinking like a teenager.  whatever.  Just so he stays alive and keeps his job until I sell this house.

The Retina Surgeon checked my eyes.  He was rather grim.  The blank spot in my left eye that is distorting my vision COULD still heal but he is not sure what it is because he does not see a reason for it.  The gel layer in my right eye is separating from the retina and could cause a tear in my retina and he wants to keep track of it.

So, knowing I need eye glasses, I made an appointment with the optometrist.  He gave me an explanation for the blank spot and he told me that is could very well still heal but it is in my eye and will take a long time, yet.  Okay.  Something to hang on to.  Then he said that the gel layer separating from the retina is normal as we age.  He says it will separate here and there because it is losing its gel.  Which also may give a reason for the blank spot in my left eye sight...during the surgery they had to refill the gel layer.  It could be the point at which they filled the gel layer and it has to heal.
As for my retina tearing, he said that is a rarity and a worst case scenario.

He also told me that compared to last year when I got new glasses, my right eye has improved 'two steps forward' and my left eye has gotten worse 'three steps backward' which would cause my eye strain, feeling of dizziness, and fatigue.  My brain is trying to work with two significant different types of vision.  So, my new glasses will be here within the week and boy am I looking forward to that!

The old guy that was doing the eye measurements, doing the ordering...tried to talk me into the most expensive eye glass frames they had.  My insurance covered them but they all had rhinestones or something like it on the 'arms' of the glasses.  I told him I did not want fancy or bling on my glasses.  I picked out a less expensive pair that were silver, thin, and plain.  He kept showing me other ones...colored, flowered...and I said, "no...I want these ones!"  He seemed disgusted.  He also seemed disgusted that my vision insurance was better than his.  What a weird man.

Tomorrow I have rented a cargo van to go pick up a black leather couch and chair I bought for TJ (used, of course) and a sage green couch with recliners at both ends for Bethany for when she moves out again.  I am going to use it in my family room in the meantime.  I got that one fo $40.  I also need to mow my lawn, vacuum and mop the floors,and 2 IEPs to write.  There is my weekend.

yay me.

Jello

I am tired.  Anxious. Frustrated.  Between my new job...trying to learn it...and my class...trying to get everything done...I feel like I am buried.  Everyday I am choking down the panic.

I will be SO glad when this class is over.  Thank God it is only 7 weeks long.  And thank God this is a 3 day weekend because I have lawn to mow and weeding to do on top of everything else.

Bethany is going to move back home.  She is worried about upsetting Jordan.  I told her he will be upset no matter when she does it so just target a date when she is going to do it and work with it.

TJ told me that perhaps Brit is pregnant and he is freaking out cuz he says they can't afford a baby. They can't. But neither could Troy and I...either one.  We made it.  I told him that if she is, they will make it. They have people to help.  They won't know for a couple of weeks cuz it is kinda early.  My sister told me that it is just one more thing for me to get hit with.  I told her I am not getting hit with anything.  It is not my life. She laughed like it was the funniest joke in the world.  I told her, "it isn't. It is their life and they will need to handle it."  I told my kids that I am NOT raising grandkids.  No sir.

But then, does any grandparent plan on raising their grandkids?

One thing at a time.  Right now I am dealing with a whole lot of emotion.  I got my new contract finally and they did not give me one dime more than I was earning for my last job...even though this is a lot more work.  I may take my year of training with them and leverage it into a higher paying position with another school system.  I found out that they lost most of their middle school Intervention Specialists at the end of the last school year.  I am already understanding why.  They gave me an 8th grade IS position.  It has more 'stuff' that goes with it.  I would have been better with 6th grade but they evidently feel I can shoulder the extra work.

I don't want to but I am not in a position where I get a say, right now.  I can say this...any IS position I apply for with a school system, once they see that I was an 8th grade IS, that is where I will get stuck until I retire...or win the lottery.

Nothing has been easy.  This has been like pushing a rock up hill all the way. I sometimes wish I had never started this IS cert. work.  I did it as a back up.  I know there are people out there that do a lot more and handle it.  I am what I am.