Shaking It Off

I had the usual Sunday meet up with 2 of my siblings at mom and dad's after they got home from church.    I do it for my parents.  My brother and older sister are too busy talking and trying to one-up each other.  At some point I TRY to get a word in edgewise but I barely say a sentence before they cut me off.  They take off running with whatever I started to say.  They don't even notice that I finally pull out my phone and start messing with my texts and facebook. 

Being home around my family can be nice, in some sort of twisted sense of comfort yet, at the same time, I find myself becoming angry inside because they all want to tell me what is wrong with my choices and what I should do instead.  I am SO tired of being told that what I am doing or decide to do is wrong...or what is wrong with it.  Because everyone else is so perfect and just KNOWS EXACTLY what is right.  It must be right because it is THEIR opinion and ideas...not mine.

I got to my son's apartment Thursday late afternoon.  NOTHING was packed.  I opened the door to the 'guest' bedroom and it was WORSE than when I was there in November...and had cleaned it up and packed some things.  I was SO overwhelmed.  I wanted to cry. 

Friday I dug in and started packing box after box after box.  My younger sister showed up to help pack some of the kitchen.  She didn't get very far because she couldn't stay long but whatever she did I didn't have to.  I packed boxes all day long Friday.  I got up super early Saturday morning and continued packing some of the kitchen.  TJ had to work Friday night.  He came in the apartment and I had him take me to Arby's to grab something to eat.  He had eaten at work.  He was ranting and raving about an argument he had with Brit on the phone.  I could feel the muscles in my neck tightening.  I finally told him, "STOP!  Just STOP!  I can't take this anymore!  I know you need to vent but this is the same thing OVER and OVER!  You are stressing me out SO much I am sorry...I don't mean to make this about me but honest to GOD I can't listen to this anymore!  You made the decision to move in to that house...you are going to go and stay until this contract job is done THEN it is either going to work or you are going to leave but I can't listen to this ANYMORE!" 

He was speechless.  Then he apologized.  He said she had told him she wasn't sure she even liked him anymore but she wanted them to work it out.  He was really hurting.  I told him he deserved not to be miserable but he had to care about himself. 

I just about killed myself packing them up.   Did everything make it on the truck?  No. They had to go back and pack up some leftover stuff under the sinks and in a few upper kitchen cupboards.  He had the nerve to call me and tell me, "not everything got packed! "  welllll...maybe if the 2 of you had done SOMETHING!  I couldn't pack a whole apartment in one damn day!  I am just so over the 2 of them!

I love my son and will always be here for him but they have GOT to get their crap together.  He has decided to keep working some contract jobs and in between he is going to be sponsored by Ohio Means Jobs to get some certifications for various IT things so he can move into a full time job with a company. 

I stopped and spent Saturday night with Beth and Jordan.  They had come and helped us unload the truck into a storage unit...along with Brit's mom.  Her mom kept Brit moving.  I was grateful.  Jordan kept TJ moving and they packed and piled things inside the storage unit.  Bethany climbed up into the Grandma's Attic in the truck and pushed out the boxes...I put them at the edge of the truck, Brit's mom piled them onto the long hand trucks and Brit took them into the storage unit (it was inside a building).  It was a pretty good system.  I ended up driving TJ back to their house because we had to take some night stands and a few other things back there and it would not all fit in Brit's car and carry the 3 of them.  I dropped him off and by the time I got to Beth and Jordan's, they had some chicken enchiladas for me and some wine coolers.  We talked until I just could not anymore.  In the morning I took them to Bob Evans for breakfast.  After we got back to the apartment, it was not long before I had to pack up and leave. 

Jordan was asking me all kinds of questions about houses up here.  They are planning on moving in with me (wherever I am) for a year.  I am looking at other houses and hoping to sell this place and move out of here.

Debbie P got me out of the house Friday night to a coffee house and game night at the church.  It was pretty fun.  She texted me today that she is thinking of looking for a place to rent in Rock Creek so she is closer to the hospital where she works.  Rock Creek is farther away from where I am now.  I have not had time to see Susan lately.  My life has been wrapped around work.  I worked until 6 p.m. on Friday.  This coming weekend TJ will be here to visit before he starts his next contract job.

I wrote my last IEP Friday until April.  I get a break.  Hallelujah!  yeah...I had 9 of those to write in the weeks leading up to going to help my son move. We shall see what happens....

Early Spring

Everytime the 'groundhog' tells us we are going to have an early spring, we don't.  For the first time this winter I am going to need to use my snow blower.

I am buried in work and have been for the last few weeks.  I had done really well this school year, up until a few weeks ago, to not work on the weekends.  But I have had to give up my weekends and will this weekend too. 

Thursday I will be heading down to Cincinnati to help my son...and the DIL...to pack up and be ready to load up on Saturday morning.  I hired 2 guys to help load the truck.  Like I can really afford that...but it will be worth it.  I am too old and over weight to do that kind of thing anymore.  If they lived in a 1st floor apartment it would be different.  But I am NOT moving furniture and a washer/dryer down a flight of stairs and then...it is SUCH a long walk from the building to the truck because it sits back away from the parking lot.

I am most concerned with the fact that the weather predictions keep changing.  As of today the weather prediction is that on Thursday it will be a wintry mix coming down all over the state.  And on Sunday too.  That would mean I would be driving in that going and coming.  I hope that changes.
Last weekend the weather prediction was MAYBE some rain on that Thursday, Saturday would be about 50 and Sunday was to be clear, too.  It, however, has changed drastically since then.  So, we shall keep watching and plan accordingly.  I may be going down on Wednesday night. 

I had to endure a lecture from my older sister as to 'what I am doing wrong'.  I have had to hear that all my life from my family...what's wrong with my wardrobe, my hair, my way of thinking, etc.  What is wrong with my decision making....

She said, "I'm going to tell you what you're doing wrong."  I said, 'Oh please, tell me what all I am wrong about."  She either doesn't recognize sarcasm or she just didn't care cuz she retorted with, "I'm going to!"  and she did.  According to her.

Well, it is what it is.  I don't think my kids are that terrible. They need to do some growing up yet in some ways but I do not know everything there is to know.  And I am not going to presume what is best for their lives. They have to make their own decisions and figure out what works for them.  I have gotten to the point that I say, "From my POV, I would think this would work......BUT, it is not my life, I am not living it and you are intelligent enough to figure it out.  I can give suggestions but it does not mean I am right."  And I approach my friends that way too. 

My friend Susan admits that she worries about other people's lives and wants to fix their lives for them all that time.  I told her that she can only do  so much and she has to acknowledge that they can work on their own lives and take care of them. It is nice she wants to 'fix' their problems but they are not her problems.

I will have cats to put up with.  I told my son that they are cute and I like them but I just don't want them as a pet for me.