Diaper Genie

 I am buried.  IEPs are long...writing them.  When we get new students in our school we have to rewrite their Individual Education Plans within  30 days. When school STARTS, all new students with IEPs have a countdown from the first day of school.  I had 11 out of 20 students on my caseload that are new.  I also had one thrown in that is not new but his IEP was set to expire the 2nd week of school so I had to do his IEP first. Sarah, my friend and 6th grade IS had this student last year and she was SUPPOSED to redo his IEP in May. But she didn't.  She blew it off.  I won't get angry with her (frustrated maybe) because she has a pre-schooler at home with encephalitis.  

So right now I am finishing up the last of the IEPs I need for next week (5 of them) then I have 6 to have ready for the NEXT week.  Good thing we have Monday off and they cancelled all of our meetings on Friday.  There goes my life.  

To make life more interesting our online school system has taken a major crapper and the students can't get into their lessons.  The teachers are scrambling to give them things to work on that are not in our system.  I have a padlet that I set up and I am putting EVERYTHING on it for them.  I make a weekly  organizer that has all of the lessons for the week for each class, assignments, quizzes, etc.  I put class handouts, notes, extra help recordings, instructions on how to do things online, help sheets, etc.  I told the parents it is like a ONE STOP SHOP for anything they need...and can't find.  

AND...to make life just a BIT more interesting...at the beginning of all of this, I discovered that one of the students assigned to my caseload has most of his classes in the 8th grade.  I pointed this out to my Lead, Ashley. She said, I believe I sent you an email about that. He's in advanced classes.

hhhmmmm....So I retorted, "nope.  Not seeing that email.  I am curious as to how this student is 'advanced' when he has EVERYTHING on his IEP plus an IQ of 71."  *crickets*  "I will have to check on that."  I just knew that somehow I was going to get left to clean up that mess...holding the diaper and the box of wipes.

It went around and around.  Turns out this kid was put in 6th grade classes when he was in 5th grade...for everything but ELA.  Last year's 6th grade IS never said anything to Ashley about it and it just went along that way. The mom has been doing his work and his MAP tests for him so he gets great scores and grades so they advanced him...never mind that when he has to take state tests on his own his scores are in the toilet and let's ignore his IQ.  

Well, they bounced it around and around...at least Ashley and the Lead 8th grade teacher had the lovely 'discussion' with the mother about this BUT I get left to clean up the mess.  Or make a big dent in it. They want me to work with him on some basic Math problems from his 8th grade math class.  I am supposed to let the mother know he needs to work with me alone.  (is this possible for her to do?)  I asked them both when they would like me to do it...then I showed them my schedule for next week.  And explained that I have 5-6 more IEPs to write.  Ashley said to get it done when I can but the Lead teacher suggested that I leave MY kids in the lurch with their math class next Thursday and join her class to work with this kid.  Sure.  Let's just go ahead and do that.  

Some mess that someone conjured up 2 years ago...and WHY was I the one to discover the problem or just to say something about it?

I need a winning lottery ticket.  

TJ and Brit are still waiting on the word about whether or not they will get their loan for that house.  The inspection has been done but they are waiting for the underwriter.  I am praying something works for them.  

I just need to hang in there until Sept 18.  Then, after that, I will only have 1 IEP a week for the next month.  I am contemplating taking my birthday as a Personal Day off from school.  However, I may table that and wait to see if TJ and Brit get the house.  If they do, I will wait and take a personal day so that I can go see it and take some things down to them.  I may be able to load and take my push mower for them to use for a while.  I am not using it now that I have a guy that mows my lawn for me each week.  It is SO nice!  He has this HUGE commercial zero turn mower and he can finish it so VERY FAST!  It would take me almost 2 hours to mow and trim my lawn. He is done in about half an hour.  

Debbie called me on the way home from work last night.  She was laughing about how she flirted with a guy to get him to come and put a cap on her chimney (she finally moved in with her mom and is part way through the paperwork to get the house put in her name).  And she was flirting with the dad of one of her patients.  She said he didn't go for it but she was flirting.  I told her, "good for you!  I am not even sure I know how to do that anymore."  Or maybe it is just that I am not motivated to do so.

Susan's school has started back up...second week for them also. She said she is exhausted with this routine. She has also taken in her oldest son's dogs while he and his wife are in 2 different places waiting on the sale of their house to finish and the purchase of the new one to close.  He is living in a hotel room near his soon to be old job while his wife is living with her parents near her new job.  AND Susan has HER mom to take care of.  

My younger sister is exhausted every day too. Her school job is much worse because of the COVID business.  I told her that maybe it would be what she needs to lose the weight she wants to lose. She said, "you'd think so but no...haven't lost a pound."  I told her to give it about 3 weeks. 

I repeat:  I need a winning lottery ticket.  Oh Diaper Genie...if I rub you, will you give me the winning lottery ticket?  

Energy Efficiency

Wednesday and Thursday were not such great days when it came to exercise.  I am in a crunch right now.  I have more than half of my students that I need to have IEPs ready for by Sept 10 and 17.  Which means I need to get those parents on the phone and get the meeting schedule set.  I will be writing IEPs all next week...trying to get that done before the classes begin.  I also have teaching programs to get used to and be able to use.  I only got 2 out 18 parents on the phone yesterday.  One parent stuck right to the subject of student and school.  That was a quick 30 minute call (yes, quick, because I have a lot of information to go over with them) and the other parent wanted to yap about everything...her ills, her troubles, etc...yet, I still managed to get her off the phone in 45 minutes.  I watch the clock.  They have a 45 time frame, max then I need to move on to the next parent.

I have to make sure I am eating better besides trying to get some exercise in.  

I visited my parents last night.  I just needed to get out of the house...so did Lucy...and have some human contact.  My parents are still alive and kicking because they go out and do a lot of physical labor...I am convinced of that.  They are clearing not only their yard and the 'swamp' behind them but they are also helping the neighbors behind them keep their yards cleared.  I do not envision me EVER having that kind of energy.  Heck, I don't have it NOW.  I even hired a guy to mow and trim my yard.  I will tell YOU...it is WONDERFUL! For the first time in decades, I am not the one mowing the lawn.

I hit the ground running this morning.  I did some chores this morning.  A container of 2 grams of sugar yogurt and a cup of coffee for now, too.  Yesterday I only had coffee all morning, that container of yogurt after noon and real food did not make it on a plate until 5 o'clock. That was not good for me because my body does not work that way.  However, this afternoon will be veggies from my garden with sugar free honey dijon dip.  

Next week is supposed to be cooler.  I am SO looking forward to that.  I like the temps in the 70's.  Maybe I can get some painting done during my lunch time next week.  I am hoping to paint my front door tomorrow.  I SO want that done!

Deeper Roots

I am finding that the more changes I make to the house, the more excited I get about it and the more I am settling in.  These changes are mine.  I decided, I put in them into action.  I hope I don't get so very used to making all decisions and getting things put into action that I could not tolerate having someone else in my life if he would happen to come along.  HOWEVER, I am not going to focus on that because there isn't even anyone on the horizon.

Poor Susan is going through a difficult spot this week.  It is her late husband's bday on Thursday.  I wish I could do something for her but it is a family affair and the best I can do is send prayers.

Debbie is frustrated because she has to do her yearly nurse PDs online and she said, "I can't do video games! This stuff is timed and I can't find the right buttons...!!!" She has done the one 'game' 3 times and never saves the patient life before it times out.  "I don't understand these buttons!  I know what to do but I don't know what button it is or where to move the mouse!!!" I said, "what hospital do you work at again, cuz I won't go there."  Ha ha!   She is still working on painting and putting in flooring in her mom's house.  She said at the rate things are going she will not move in until December.  She has help from her brothers on the flooring and other minor repairs.  She says the house needs a new porch.  Hope they are good with that stuff.  She calls me and talks to me a lot when she is on her way home from work.  She works 12 hours shifts and she says it keeps her awake. yikes.

AND...as if no one could see this coming...TJ has pumped the brakes AGAIN on the separation from  Brit.  Her aunt took her aside and had a long talk with her, prayed with both of them and then they had a long talk. She wants them to start attending church again (which TJ has been doing...Brit quit) and attend counseling.  Brit had refused to do counseling before but she said she knows they need it and will do it.  I told TJ that I just want him to have a decent life and he will need to figure this all out.  I would LOVE to see this marriage turn around but I am not holding my breath on her changing her ways.  I DO pray for them.  I also told him that IF she doesn't do any of that, then he really needs to make up his mind about it...but it's his life.

I am having a new front door put in.  The guy that is doing it wanted to do it last night. I had my misgivings.  He said, "It's easy peasy!"  but he is working on it now. He started at 10 and it is after 4.  He is putting in the last of the trim to fit it tight. This was big job that I did not want my dad to do.

While TJ is here I am going to put in the ceiling fan in my office area and the new bathroom vent fan in the main bathroom because I have to go over head and put in the vent.  It was never vented.  I don't do electrical work if I am by myself.

My backyard neighbor Lynn came over and asked to come by later with a bottle of wine and some munchies.  We are going to sit in the sunroom, or, if it isn't raining, sit on the side porch. The back deck is too hot in the afternoon.  That is why I will be happy to get my privacy screen up.  It will give it a bit of shade.

Which reminds me...tomorrow I am getting a glider rocker with matching footrest from Dawn to put in my livingroom.  It is a light rusty colored fabric and will go well with the color scheme.  My brother is stopping to get the storm door I took off on the front to use for the door to his mancave.  We share each other's stuff.  He bought a part of a cow from a friend and gave me a few steaks and some hamburger.

I will also stop at Home Depot and get the paint for my front door and a garden auger drill attachment to put the holes in the ground for my privacy screen supports.  I will then put the flooring down in the guest bedroom. Friday and Saturday I will work on 3 things...painting my porch floor, painting my front door and putting up the privacy screen.  I can multi-task.  I also need to do another quick vacuum.  I can do it!  Ha ha!

welllll....I best get off of here. The door is in, the guy got his check and I swept up his mess.  I have my wine glasses out, the wine opener ready....

Projecting

I finished my walk way.  I am going to maybe reconfigure the fancy end pavers because I am not satisfied with them...maybe add another...and a few of the other pavers still need a little leveling.  It also needs more dirt between the pavers.  I was waiting for the rain storm that we had last night for everything to settle.

Today I start work on a couple of things at once.  I have to put plastic down on my garage floor so that I can spray paint the rebar that will support my privacy screen for my back deck and to seal my concrete bird bath.  I will also be filling in the nail holes and screw holes in my bedroom wall (almost 20), sand that down and paint over it.  Thankfully the paint for the walls was in the basement.  AND THEN, I will begin putting the flooring planks down.  That will begin on Monday and may take me a few days. 

I also have the front railing to paint.  Not sure I will do that today.  I may do that next week then my dad is going to help me put that on.  The only other things I want to accomplish is to put in the fan in my office area and the new vent/fan in the main bathroom.

Sounds like a lot but I can get it done in short order.  My son informed me that, at this point, he is planning on visiting July 11-14th and I have a friend planning on spending the night on July 15th.  So...I have my target date to have it all done...July 10th.  I work well with a target date.

My friend Debbie is doing some interior redecorating...painting, flooring...to her mom's house because she is going to purchase it and move in next month.  Her mom is elderly and having health issues. Debbie is a nurse.  Debbie's 4 siblings encouraged her to do it and that way she can sell it later, if she wants, and make some money from it.  They are married. She is divorced and this is what happens.  I may end up selling my house and moving in with which ever one of my parents is left after one of them dies...just so the one that is left does not have to go to a nursing home.  It will help me out also because by the time it is all said and done, I will end up with enough money to buy a house for myself outright...no mortgage.  By then, my older sister may be ready to sell her house and we can find something that is mutually acceptable to both of us.

No...I obviously am not planning on remarrying.  I don't care.

I bought some lavender plants.  They were in my garage for a week.  I finally put them in large planters on my deck and 2 days later they were dead.  Ugh.  I messaged the herb farm I bought them from and let them know what happened and asked if they had any more that I could buy and try again. They told me to dig them up, bring them in and they will replace them for free.  I was not looking for that but if that is what they want to do...then, why not? 

I had my second interview with the other online school.  It was tough.  I think it went well BUT I am not sure if they will offer me the job or if I want it. I can say that I would want more money but this is for an 11th grade position working with the algebra II teacher.  My algebra II skills are rusty but I have confidence I could get up to speed fairly quickly with that but then I am thinking about learning a new system and getting used to a new grade level and it makes me tired just thinking of it.  Usually I am all for a new challenge but I am losing my enthusiasm for it.  I just don't feel like they will be offering me this position at this time.  They will probably find someone else that is a better fit.  That is my gut feeling.  However, IF they do offer me that job, I will most likely take it.  Who knows?  I may really end up liking it.  I have 8 more years before I am thinking I am going to consider retiring.  Debbie says we won't be here anymore by then and she may be right.  I am not going to worry about it.

Well, things are not going to get done by themselves.  Off I go!

Stop to Admire the Dandelions

I have seen a lot of posts about not killing the dandelions in your yard because that is what the bees use for food in the spring before everything opens up.  You know....my yard should be Bee Heaven right now.  And I do not care.  My mom is so proud that they have fought the battle of the dandelions and win every year.  They have a beautiful yard and home.  People know who they are because of it and remark to them about it when they are out and about.  I will not be known for that although I have had many older women in the neighborhood stop and remark to me how nice my flower gardens look. Personally I think they probably look really nice to them because they remember what it all looked like before I bought the place.  It is just a comparison.

And there I go again not giving myself credit.

There is this father and son that go past my house on bikes every Saturday morning.  The father looked quite awkward on the bike the first few times but he is now looking more confident. The son has a smile on his face.  I am deducing that dad always had other things to do before but now he has free time and is doing more things with his son.  Son obviously is quite happy about it.

I do not begrudge the Stay at Home orders and shutowns for things like allowing nature to get cleaned up and thrive and for families to thrive.  I do, however, mourn the negative impact it has had on businesses and personal economy.  I think there are lawn care businesses that are hurting because more people are beginning to take care of their own lawns because they have time and it is something to do and/or they can't afford to pay someone else to do it right now.  Frankly, if I had the money, I would pay someone to at least mow it for me.

I gave my dad's laptop to my cousin Tommy and he fixed it for him.  I paid Tommy since this was the 3rd laptop he had worked on for me.  Hopefully there will not be others.  Dad is pleased that he will be able to use it again.

I hear the woman next door yapping at her husband. She is so loud.   I am hoping that I will be able to get my lattice privacy wall up this week before TJ gets here.   I would like to go out on the deck with him.  It will not stop the noise from next door but it will lend a bit of privacy.  I should be able to open up my blinds on that side of the sunroom.  The Lucy won't be laying there watching them and barking every time someone makes a move. 

I am washing some clothes and waiting for my outdoor work clothes to dry.  I need the oversized sweatshirt to wear because it is still cool with a damp breeze.    I am just enjoying sitting here in the sunroom right now while Lucy watches out the doors.  The summer noises have begun...cars driving by with their windows down and music turned up, a few motorcycles.  There aren't so many motorcycles yet because they use this road to go to Geneva-on-the-Lake.  It is a summer 'fun' spot with games, outdoor eating places, bars, a small amusement park, zipline, and lots of bikers.    I used to go there on summer nights with my friends when I was a teenager.  We rode go-carts, played mini-golf, ate pizza.  The amusement park sat quiet at that time and of course there was no zipline then because no one had thought of it.  They have an arcade too.  I was not into video games at that point.  I tried playing pinball a few times.  We just hung out with other teenagers.  The bikers all basically stayed at one end of the strip at that time.  Now they are all over.  More bars have opened.  The strip hosts a Biker Weekend near the end of summer and the roar off all of those gangs of bikers going past my house is enormous.  Lucy and I escape to my parents' during those days.  Not sure how that will play out this summer. 

I am hoping they still have the boat parade this summer but I don't know.  With social distancing it may not happen because there is always hoards of people that gather. 

So many things are different and hard to plan out.

The Long Winter

It has been a long tense winter.  I am not the only one feeling it.

Our online school system has been having difficulties for about 3 weeks.  Teachers, parents and students have been frustrated.  There has been an uptick in IEPs.  The state tests are looming. 

We had our online middle school meeting Friday morning.  We had not had it for a couple of weeks.  They attendees were split into grade band/subject.  Us ISes just picked one and attended.  I started out with 7th grade math.  There was one snarky teacher.  I listened for a while and copied a link for a math lesson that the math teacher I work with was sharing.  Then I moved into the 7th grade Language Arts room.  That was NOT pleasant. They were all attacking each other.  Accusing each other of being lazy, not doing as much as each other, etc.  UGH!  I listened in utter disbelief for a while then I moved myself to the room for my teaching POD.  By then, the math teacher in my group was there.  I relayed to her how much of a cat fight was going on in the 7th grade language arts room. 

I am STILL in disbelief about it.  If feels like the Middle School is falling apart. 

On a personal note, I had 2 different Reviews this last week...one on my IEPs and data notes, the other on my online classes.  I did really well on both.  Yes, there is some room for improvement but not a major leap.  Just slight improvements.  That relieves me a bit.

TJ's contract job that was initially supposed to be 3 weeks, turned in to 6 weeks, which he was happy about.  Now Monday he is going to Ohio Means Jobs and get signed up for unemployment and funding for classes.  The next phase.

My mom's sister, my aunt, Joyce, succombed to bone cancer in the early morning hours yesterday.  It was just a little over 2 weeks from diagnosis to death.  She had been pumped full of morphine most of the time.  I know it must have been AWFUL for her daughter Linda.  She had it all on her shoulders.  2 of her older brothers had already died...one from strokes, another from pancreatic cancer.  The last of her brothers has diabetes and sight problems.  She is the only one that is still in decent health.  That family has been riddled with health problems. 

Bethany and Jordan seem to be doing well.  If there is anything negative, they don't share it with me.  I continue to look for some place else to move to that they can also live in with me.  God will guide my direction.  I did find flooring for my bedroom that will cost me just under $250 and I can put down myself. It is self adhesive wood grained vinyl planking.  I feel it is the best option.  Carpeting would cost AT LEAST $450 and any other floor covering I would need help to put down.  This vinyl planking is easier to clean, less slippery....I am going for this.  My mom and older sister have wrinkled their nose up at it.  I don't care.  It works for ME. 

I have to fill holes and paint the room too.  Spring break. 

The Slow Death

     Debbie P had the day off from work yesterday.  She lays in wait for when I have a break. She yapped through my lunch hour. Then she texted me at 3 to find out if I was 'off duty' (as she put it). 
She does not realize that I usually work until 5...sometimes longer.  I told her I was doing parent calls.  But they weren't answering and I had to leave VMs.  She was thrilled and said she was on her way to get me. WE were going to Walmart.

     HOW exciting! *head whack* I still had work to do but I had been stuck at the computer since 6 a.m. and just needed to move.  I figured it would be quick. She said, "I am wearing sweats and no make up. "  Well, I had on jeans, a waffle weave henley and some face powder and mascara. My hair was doing a nice thing and all I had to do was run a brush through it.  Snow boots and my speckled pea coat and I was a real babe. Babe the Pig that is.  bwahahaha.

    That was my first trip to a store with Debbie...and my last.  I HATE shopping. She meandered all over that store.  She had a very long list and she spent even more time checking out any middle aged un-ringed male.  *head whack*  She even pointed out a few that looked like something I would be interested in. 

     She and I still managed to give the workers a laugh.  I was just glad to get home.  But I was so totally WORN OUT!

     I put some stuff on our middle school teacher facebook page and our Principal, Laura the Nut, decided that I am now one of her favorites.  They were just goofy joke things.  Not even that great but apparently she thinks I am snarky like her.  Hey...I wouldn't turn my back on her BUT she is someone you would be glad is on YOUR side.  So, I will roll with it.  *shrug*

    One of the mom's I spoke to today told me about taking pills for her thyroid because she has hypothyroidism and said, 'you don't want to mess with that.  Dying from that is a very slow, unpleasant death...which will happen if you don't get it treated."  yay. 

     I am pretty sure that is what has happened to me.  I have half of one.  Each year it gets a little worse.  Now I can barely move. I need an endocrinologist. However, I can't afford it right now.  So, just hold on.

     Bright side today: my son has a phone interview for a job that would be a really great one.  Right now he is working a 5 week contract IT job.  I will go down and help him pack the truck, and, if he doesn't get this job he is interviewing for on Friday, he has an insurance company job to work at in the meantime. 

Good Intentions/Bad Decisions

     I am a good person and fairly intelligent.  I am  a hard worker.  I have a kind heart.  But I also make bad decisions sometimes.  That means I am 'normal'. 

     I am still learning lessons.  I am learning how to step back from my ADULT offspring (there really needs to be a better word than 'children' once they pass a certain age) and let them drive their own wagon. 

     I have been wrangling with my son about his life and you know what?  He is going to do what he feels is best and he is going to try and do what he can for his life and I guess that just shows that I did raise him well.  He may not be making what I feel are the right decisions but it is his life and he needs to do what he needs to do for himself.  I raised him to be an adult and live his own life and that is what he is doing. 

    Living my own life is what I need to do also.  Debbie P and I have decided to kick each other's butts.  She said that she would come home from work and never leave her house until she had to go to work again.  We are trying to find a way to get together at least every 2 weeks.  I would do that with Susan but she has filled up her dance card with lots of things to do and places to go. Once her husband died, she got busy and found groups to join so that she would not be alone. I am starting out late and slow.  *sigh*

     God really is wonderful.  God landed us not too far from here, where I would meet up with one of my cousins again, and when Ex got hooked on his drugs and disappeared, my cousin brought us out to Eagleville Church where I made friends with Debbie B and Debbie P.  Here I am back so many years later, and we have kept in contact over the years...and they are there to pull me back in and give me support...and I can do that same for them.

     I still get to do things with Susan and I am hoping this year brings me a better paying job.  It would be great if Susan and I could do a quick vacay trip together.  Debbie and I can do one too but she is planning on taking some more classes and get her nursing Bachelor degree.  She may be a bit busy for that.

    When I said this was my year for ME, I was not kidding.

Support Garments

    I attended Celebrate Recovery.  The part I liked best was the message by Pastor Steve before we broke up into small groups. 

     I had had a discussion with my son earlier.  I felt badly and frustrated about it.  He began to complain to me about his dad's assessment of things and what he thinks our son should do.  Jr. got a surprise because I said, "I agree with your father.  You need to just walk away.  She is getting everything she wants and she does not care about you.  AND everything is falling apart there.  I really think God is stripping you down to the nubs because He is trying to get you to face reality and get out, start over...everything...your whole life."  I felt badly because I could hear the dejection in his voice.  I am frustrated because we have had this discussion over and over for the past 2 months.  I just want to show up with a moving truck, load him and his stuff up, hand her a 'good bye' letter and leave!  His dad even thinks he should come move back in with me until he can get his act together.  That says something right there!

     So, listening to Pastor Steve, I heard some things that sounded like what I had gone through but I kept thinking, "if only my son could be sitting here listening to this."

     Small group was sort of helpful.  It wasn't exactly what I expected.  It was more about what each has learned from their experiences and if they are moving forward.  Others gave some suggestions that may help.  It was not ex bashing or family bashing.  It was everyone realizing their part in how they got to where they were.  That was good to hear. 

     Starting back to  work has been a whirlwind...as usual.  I have my calendar of events filled up through the end of February, already.  I have started working ahead on some things so that it is more evenly spread out and I can have time for myself.

     My eating change is going well.  And I actually slept 8 hours straight last night.  That is a major thing right there!  I am still working on incorporating more movement in to my days.  Any extra is a plus for me. 

     I am trying to mentally prepare myself for having another person in the house.  I really do not see any other options for my son.  But it will be a lot to deal with.   He is a very deep feeling/emotional person and it will take a lot of me to support him.  However, I cannot let his situations derail me from taking care of me, either. 

    It is a real dance on the edge of that volcano.

Backing It Up and Taking Another Route

    I am not sure what it was that brought this all up in my head.  I was trying to get the coffee together this morning and get my shower before sitting down at my computer for my first day back to work.  I was filling in my calendar of things I have to do and I remembered the letter to the ex sitting on the bar in my kitchen.  I was thinking about when I could mail it. Then...something began to flutter in my head and...

     I am NOT mailing that letter!  I feel good that I wrote it and the kids read it and they are glad to see me putting it all behind me but...would he care?  Or, most importantly, would it matter?  He is a narcissist.  When the kids tell him what they think about something and it is to put him back in his place, he will always say that I turned them against him.  He will always think that I am heart broken about losing him and jealous of whomever he is with and that I am trying to break them up.  He thinks quite a lot of himself that way.  AND if I send him that letter, he may view it as an olive branch...that I want us to be 'friends' and it will give him the idea that the door is open and we are 'joined'. 

     Nope.  TJ agreed with me. Bethany said it could be true and it may not matter if I send it.  TJ said that if it made me feel good to write it, then just let that be it.  And I am.  Done.  No letter sent. 

    Susan told me to not just throw it away but burn it because it would feel better.  But, you know...I really do not have that knot of anger anymore.  I can throw it away and forget it.  Silence is the best option.  NOW I feel better. 

     I am trying not to feel too anxious.  My calendar for work is filling up fast and I had to plot out a plan and I will need to stick to it if things are all going to get done on time.  Progress reports, IEPs, class plans....at least the first week back is testing week so I have some extra time to work on some things.  By the end of the week they will be dumping newly enrolled students in our laps and my dance card is pretty full already. 

     I counted...52 SCHOOL days until Spring Break.  Then we have a week of school followed by 3 weeks of state testing.  After State Testing we have almost a month of what I like to refer to as 'no man's land'.  The teachers let up on the class time and lessons and I am working with kids to salvage their 2nd semester grade.  There's Middle school meetings and school outings.  It could be fun.

     I also will need to decide of I am putting my house up for sale and moving somewhere else.  I think I am going to apply to a brick and mortar school system up where Susan works.  I probably stand a rat's ass of a chance of getting hired only because brick and mortar school systems think that online teachers don't do anything except monitor whether or not students do their work. 

    To quote Ricky Gervais, "I don't care."

Let the Sun Shine In

    Now with the bombing in Iran, we must be even more  diligent in watching out for ourselves and our loved ones.  I am in agreement with the bombing but it also means we need to watch for retaliation.

     Having said that, I am feeling SO MUCH better with the beginning of this year.  It is the year of Taking Care of Me. 

     My son just secured a new job.  As he said, it is different than anything he has ever done but he went through a battery of interviews in a few days and they felt they saw in him what they needed.  He will be working with a marketing/advertising company.  They said they are going to groom and train him to be a badly needed regional manager.  I have a feeling this is not his 'forever job' but another step in God's plan.  However, he just needs to feel comfortable and able to learn and do it well.  They have a time line of one year of training and grooming.  They told him this is something that they used to take 5 years to do but they felt that he would be able to do it in a year.   I will continue to pray for him daily.

     In the mean time, his wife secured a new job, also. She will begin work with a new veterinary hospital. She is being trained as a veterinary surgery assistant.  She is thrilled!  No more night hours or weekends. My son will no longer be working night hours or weekends.  They will get to move to northern cincy/southern Dayton area, as they wanted.  It will be a shorter trip to visit me by about 45 minutes.  I am praying that perhaps these changes will help them as a couple.

     My son said the mother-in-law offered to let them move in with them for a few months while they get their financial situation  more stabilized and money gathered to put down for the townhouse they would like to live in.  My son said he really would not rather do that.  I gave him a smack and told him that it is a blessing that she offered and sometimes you need to do something uncomfortable for a bit in order to get things straightened out.  He quit complaining.

     I need to have a serious talk with Bethany and Jordan about them getting their lives together.  I can't keep paying for her phone and car insurance and her dad can't keep paying for her med insurance.  He is turning 26 in a few weeks which means his dad can't keep him on his med insurance anymore. 

     After listening to many messages on the same subject by different pastors, I felt led to do something.  My kids approved of the move and felt it was good, not only for me, but it made them feel better also.  I wrote a letter to their father.  I cleared the air, put everything to bed. There was no  accusations, no judgments, nothing negative.  It was to let him know I have no animosity,  am not trying to turn his kids against him, am not (nor will ever) try to come between him and anyone he is with...my life is mine, his is his.  The past happened and we both have much different expectations for our lives and it is best not to be in the orbits of each other's lives.  I told him I hope his life works out for him. That was it.  The kids read it, and they said it sounded very nice and final.  They found no problem with anything I said.  So, I sent it to my son to address and send on to his dad.  As I said, I do not remember his address.  And now I feel better.  My future no longer has baggage weighing it down.

    The second semester is going to be a whopper but I am planning things out so that I have time for something besides work.  I am working ahead on things a little.  That's all it takes....little bits.  It makes a big difference. 

   I am making effort to get out and face time with friends and family. I am also making weighted blankets for me AND Lucy.  ha ha!  I noticed she seems to relax and rest better if I cover her with a blanket and tuck it around her.  I have wondered if a weighted blanket would help ME sleep better.  So I am going to make blankets for us.  I think it will be a good thing.  I ordered the weight pellets and I have material I can use.  A new endeavor!  I am also working on a door decoration hanger for my front door using branches.  I hope it works out as I envision. 

    As I mentioned...this is the year of taking care of ME. 

Lost Baggage

It is curious how God works on me.  He has revealed things to me in phases.  He knows me, of course, and that I am a cerebral type and have to 'understand' everything...that there has to be a reasoning to it.

As I sat and listened to my son tell me about his father's behavior and things that his dad had shared about his life, a light bulb came on and I realized that I had been waiting for something.  I had been waiting all of this time for vindication.  I had been waiting for him to admit to his wrong doings and give me a REAL apology...not just one that he shoots out there to pacify me.  AND I realized with a major clarity that it would never happen.  What was TJ telling me that finally made me realize that?
It was the summation of it all...that his father has NEVER changed and will never change and why is that?  Because he has never seen a problem with his behavior/thinking. 

Once I embraced my 'aha' moment, a change in MY thinking started to happen.  God was telling me, "You have to let it go.  What you feel that you need will never happen."  It isn't news.  However, I was flawed in what I had always believed about him.  He really is not the person I had assumed he was.  And it wasn't just him.  It was something else that TJ said....about my family and how it interacts with others.  I had just never really realized. 

My family will sit and have conversations and does not draw anyone else in by putting the spotlight on them such as asking them questions about their lives.  For instance, they won't even ask a new family addition or friend, "What do you do or what are you interested in" etc.  I have gotten better with trying to reach out to others.  It isn't that we aren't interested but somehow in  our family history, the unspoken belief is that if you ask people a lot of questions about themselves you are prying and being 'nosey' and it is rude.  We have always believed that if someone wanted to share something with you about themselves, they will do it of their own accord.  It never occurred to me that this is perhaps off putting to others.  It is what I am used to.  It hasn't been until lately that I have made an effort to reach out to the people I care about to follow up on events in their lives or just to find out how they are doing.  No one has ever shared with me before that there was a difference. 

TJ pointed this out because he has noticed only because his dad's side of the family and his in-laws interact with him in a much different way then my side of the family. 

So...taking in all that he was saying, letting it swirl around in my brain, I was able to formulate a conclusion that led me to this: the whole divorce was a blessing and he and I were  just so different and expected a certain type of life that was not going to be able to come together. 

I know that sounds like something that I should have not just realized and I sort of got it before but it was like someone taking a fuzzy picture and bringing it into a crystal clear focus.   What is really sad is that he and I wasted 25 years of our lives trying to make oil and water mix. 

Can he realize he did not treat me right if he did not see anything wrong with his actions because it is what he had expected for his life?  It is my perspective...that he did not treat me right.

Don't get me wrong.  A Narcissist is a  narcissist.  However, my holding on to some grudge or anger is never going to change anything and it will only make my life continue in misery.

He no longer has a moral compass and does not have someone to stop him from making miscalculated decisions.  Because of that, he seems to have gotten himself into a bad place.  He also is sitting in a precarious health state and refuses to acknowledge it.  He mistreats his new female friend and she will take it and apologize to him.  None of that is my concern.  I feel a bit sad about it that he never did learn anything but it is not my problem anymore. 

I do know this...after my revelation I WAS able to let it go.  I am not feeling that knot of anger in me.  I forgave him for being himself but I was still waiting.  I am no longer waiting for that apology or acknowledgment. 

I have a goal for my year.  My goal is to tune in to myself.  I am going to tackle the things that will make me better physically and emotionally and mentally.  Speaking of which...it is time for another quick bit of exercise. 

Here's to a positive 2020. 

Dancing Out in Front

     And so the list begins.  I have several little things I want to take care of  ahead of time instead of ignoring it and then wishing I had been more proactive.  I have it all broke down by day and doing a little of everything every day.  I did not too much yesterday because I did not sleep well the night before and was feeling blah...plus I got caught in the loop of binge watching something and I was determined to finish it so that it would not be luring me in and messing up my plans.

     I did not put reading on my list.  I figured it is a foregone conclusion that I could sit and do some reading when I needed a rest.  Of course, I will not allow myself to do too much of that because at some point I will sit and not get back up. 

    My exercise 'room' equipment is finally getting used each day.  I need to want to take better care of myself. 

     My kids are being very quiet with me today.   No texts, no calls...and I know why.  They are visiting with Flawless and Twit today.  Bethany and Jordan had dinner with them last night.  They are afraid of saying anything to me about their visits.  I don't want it to be ackward for them but at the same time, I don't need to hear it.  So, it will be quiet for a while and I get it.  I will keep myself busy today anyway.

   Well, time to get back to my list of things.  It is warm enough yesterday and today so that I could have the sunroom open with the gas stove on so that Lucy can be out there and watch out the windows.  It makes her happy. 

Fixing the Neglected

      The whole house humidifier has not worked since I moved in here.  I don't know when the last time it has worked.  Last winter I opened it up, partially, and discovered that the water dispersal filter was missing so I bought one and put it in but when I turned on the water, the water just ran out.  It did not run through it.  I decided I would, at some point, tear it apart and see if there was a clog that I could clear out.

    I put it off and ignored it.  Until this morning.  I went down with my wrench and screw driver.  I took it apart and discovered that it was full of lime and corrosion.  I used some CLR and soaked and scrubbed and rinsed.  Once everything seemed to be cleared out and all the parts that are supposed to move were moving, I put it back together, plugged it back in, turned it on, set the humidity level and turned on the water.  I waited and checked.  The heat came on and I heard the fan in the humidifier come on (it was hard to hear but I could hear it).  As the day has gone on I have checked numerous times to make sure the water is not running out...nothing.  The air in the house became warmer, I can breathe easier.  I have turned my thermostat down 3 degrees and it is still a bit too warm. 

    I FIXED IT!  Mind you, it was just maintenance but...still...I fixed it!  The day after Thanksgiving I put in a new garbage disposal and today I got the humidifier running again.  It feels GOOD!

     I am also insane.  Or partially.  I have a bad habit of doing things to 'test' myself.  For instance, I quit eating peanut butter quite a few months ago because it seemed to be causing me slight intestinal distress.  I decided, last week, to give it another try.  I was in a hurry one morning...slept in as long as I possibly could...popped out of bed and grabbed a pb&j sandwich to eat while I was getting ready for the 9 am intervention session with my kids.  I got through that hour session and the math hour that followed.    THEN, as Language Arts was starting, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I thought I was going to drop a kidney!  BUT, I survived and sworn off peanut butter for the rest of my life.

       I tried going back to drinking wine but found out it still brings on the depression plus now there is an added bonus...irritability.  Just like having a monthly period.  So, I should add wine to the list of 'no-nos'. *sigh*  That is going to be a tough one.

      Over a year ago, the ex (whom I now refer to as Flawless, because he does no wrong) bought a house in Wichita.  I ignored his address, even though it was on the last round of alimony checks.  I literally did ignore it.  But after I had cashed the last one, and I was perusing the  online listings of houses in my area, it dawned on me...I could actually see the house he had bought. TJ and Bethany said he had given them a video tour of the place and I know TJ was probably playing it down.  My curiosity rose and I then had to ask Bethany his address.  So, I put it the realty search and there it was...this big beautiful ranch house in a cookie cutter housing development.  I was amazed but not surprised...at least not at the size of the house.  I figured that he would buy something amazing to keep up with his friend Eddie because he is that way...always trying to keep up or do better.  Everything was a competition and he had to come out on top or at least even.  I am surprised about the neighborhood.  He complained about those types of developments and swore he would never live in something like that.  eh...whatever. 

   I looked at it out of curiosity but I waited a year to look because I never trusted myself to look.  I thought I would get angry, feel jealous/cheated.  And you know what?  I felt nothing.  I looked, went, "Huh" and that was that.  It would have been nice to have a house like that as we were raising our kids but we couldn't.  His house is newer and bigger than mine but it is his hang up.  This house is mine and he is not in it.

    So, I satisfied my curiosity and also found out it no longer effects me.  I don't know that guy.  Never knew that guy.  And I am not having to put up with him here.  And I can honestly say at this moment, I do not remember the address.  You should only remember things that are important to you and have something to do with your life.

    I have been depressed not because I miss him.  I have been depressed because I never imagined myself alone.  BUT, I haven't done much to change that. 

    Tomorrow night I will celebrate Christmas Eve with my family...two of my siblings and their spouses and my parents.  I am grateful for that.  I will have Christmas Day with my parents, time over the holidays with 2 of my friends, my son, and New Year's Eve spent at my older sister's.  Life could be worse and much lonelier. 
 
    I am who I am and I do not do things as everyone expects.  I had many boyfriends tell me in in the past that I was not the norm...and what they thought I was going to do or how they thought I was going to react turned out to most of the time not be right.  They had difficulty predicting any of it when it came to me.  I have never figured out if it was a good thing or a bad thing but I guess it doesn't matter....it is just me.
   

Grain of Sand in My Shoe

    I made the mistake.  Answered the phone this morning.  I slept a full 8 hours without interruption last night.  I haven't done that for over a month. 

    This is my family make up:  My mom turns everything into a competition.   No one has suffered more than  she has and you should never expect to be allowed to have any feelings about anything.
My younger sister:  She finds insulting people funny and she will share a problem with you only to tell you why any suggestions you give her for a solution will not work.  My older sister: is always angry and has no problem telling you what is wrong with your thinking and what you do wrong and what/how you should do it as she sits there smoking her cigarettes and slowly becoming drunk.  My brother can be very helpful if you need him but he also knows everything...seriously considers himself the expert on everything and everyone. 

     I answered the phone.  My mom wanted to know if I wanted to drive through the park with her and dad to see the Christmas light display.  I had sent a goofy meme to my youngest sister's phone last night and she picked this moment to make a comment.  It was some insulting comment that she thought was funny.  It irritated me.  I made a comment to my mother about how my younger sister did that most of the time and it irritated me.  She told me to  let it go and started giving me some lecture...I cut her off...because now I am REALLY irritated and told her, "I don't walk around hanging on to some irritation all day long!  I am just momentarily irritated by it!"

"Well it is what she does. Just let it go." 

     "I KNOW it is how she  is but that doesn't mean I can't feel irritated by it."
 
     "I had to put up with worse than you.  You know I was the youngest of 7 siblings and I had to put up with a whole lot of insults and I never said anything."

By now I am wanting to scream because she has done it again...competition.  I am not allowed to feel anything about anything because her life was worse. 

    "Maybe you SHOULD have said something!  Maybe they did that because they thought you didn't get that they were insulting you because you didn't say anything!"

     "It would have just made them mad and it wouldn't have changed anything."

      Then my oldest sister sent me a snarky text because she was aggravated that mom had tried calling her and both me and the other sister had sent her texts before she had woken up and had her first cup of coffee. 

     O...M...G!!!!    And I replied, "Well...geeeeez!  Sorry.  Have a fun day" and I have ignored her the rest of the day. 

     My son has gone out of his way today to thank me for trying to make his life easier.  And he was being real.  And it melted my heart that he noticed!  I didn't do it for praise but the idea that someone notices what you are doing just every once in a while just makes you feel just a bit less invisible.

    The language arts teacher I work with messaged me last night as she was finishing up grading writing assignments. She wanted to know if I was also a language arts teacher.  I told her no, I am more of a math person however, writing came easy for me.  I just need to do a refresher every year on the grammar stuff like dangling participles, etc. 

     She said that the other IS in our POD is not and there is a vast difference between the assignments that my SPED kids did compared to hers.  I told her it was nice to hear that my pushing and instruction is doing something. 

      And I am having the HARDEST time making it through this holiday!  I am just depressed and can't shake it.  I am tired of crying.  I do not know what I expect from my life.  I feel stuck. 

     I do not like to think of myself as a victim.  But perhaps Debbie B is right...I have a lot of mental/emotional baggage to take care.  I can't blame it all on the marriage.  It has been getting packed a little at a time all my life.

     I didn't mention my dad.  He doesn't say much but when he does...it is hurtful.  So there...everyone is covered. 

     One thing I have learned...everyone's life is different.  Cookie cutter counseling works for the majority but not everyone.  In the end you have to know what works for you and you have to learn how to heal.  You are responsible for yourself and your choices.  I can listen to friends and family tell me their thoughts and their reactions.  I can offer suggestions as to things that maybe are happening...a different perspective but I try very hard not to tell them they are wrong.  It is not my life and perhaps it will work out for you.  We have to make our own decisions for our own reasons and if it turns out to be a mistake...well...it is now a learning experience.

     I am definitely making my own decisions.  I have no one in my life to bounce things off of.  Sure, I have family members and friends...but no one HERE.  There is a difference. 

     Not sure I ever will again.  I surely will not if I don't make some changes.

What's That I Feel...Is Someone Happy to See Me?

No...not a guy in my life.  ha ha!

I have been feeling ridiculously happy...not ABOUT anything.  Just not like I am dwelling in a hole somewhere. 

I have been doing a "partial" water fast.  It's partial because I do not do it for 24 hours at a time.  I drink LOTS of water...some with pink Himilayan salt and some with organic apple cider vinegar and some with nothing.  I also drink my coffee in the morning.  I take my supplements...magnesium, potassium, tumeric, D3, iron (every 3 days), B12 and panax ginseng.  I refer to it as breakfast.  Then I eat once...sensibly.  No sugar. 

Why am I doing this?  Because I am tired of the nerve/joint pain and the pain in my left heel.  The pain is starting to disappear and my brain fog is clearing a little.  So...it's a good thing.  The down side is I pee...A LOT.  ha ha!

I am still trying to get the weeds taken care of around here.  The weather is not cooperating.  I bought a ton of bushes for around my house and plants for my hanging baskets and flower pots.  I have a vision for the front of my house.  I just need the time...and umph.  I need new railing on my front steps....they took it off and I don't know why.  I have to undo all the terribleness that they did to the house.  My new roof looks really good though.  It helps lift the look of the house. Makes it look less hovel-like.  I am short but I am not a Hobbit.  Hobbit Hovel...ha ha. (no, I am not drunk)

Today was a day to make me thankful that I have not yet started the descent into the recesses of alzheimers or dementia.  I was spinning...at my computer.  Calls, classes, emails, posting notes, helping my son update his resume...You know how it is. You wake up and think you only have a certain number of things to do and before 9 a.m. it has suddenly doubled and other interruptions come along too.

My son has decided to try and come out of his comfort zone and try for a job that he knows nothing about.  It is a really good company...he is going to try sales.  They are a logistics company.  He didn't even really know what logistics is!  ha!  I had to describe it to him then I told him to call his uncle (my brother) because that is part of what he does for his company.  And I told him to do his research on the company.  He has a friend from his church that has a small marketing company that he has asked to help him prepare for the interview.  Oh, yeah...he has an interview.

He said he had a feeling on Monday that something good was going to happen this week. Then this company called him yesterday to set up a phone interview.  I am not sure if this is THE job for him but we will see.

Okay...energy level is low.  I am keeping Sr. Citizen hours...bed by 9, up extremely early in the morning.  Lucy doesn't seem to mind either.  We play chase in the driveway at least once a day. 

Peopling

I have been trying to set dinner dates with friends so that I have to get out a socially interact.  I do not want to lose my people skills. 

There is nothing major going on in my life.  It is settling in and I am finding my new normal.  It has taken me a minute to realize that I am not waiting for my next move.  I am making changes to this place a little at a time.  Putting my mark on it.  I am getting ideas for what I want to do outside.  I want it to look really nice, pleasant, not over the top.  I have one more tree in the front that needs to be cut down.  But it is a size that my brother and father can tackle with chain saws.  It is a tree that could grow to be out of hand and I would rather take care of it now.  I will replace it with a decorative tree that does not get very tall.

My kitchen will be the last thing I tackle.  I have ideas but they will cost. 

The next big thing I have my sights on is changing schools.  There is another online school that one of my teaching buds from last year jumped into at the last minute and she is putting in some work to get me in there next year.  It pays more and is less work.  She says the environment is not quite as stressful as the school I am working for.

Bethany and Jordan are working on moving up near me in summer of 2020.  They had thought about doing it this summer but realized that they weren't quite ready yet.  They still need to save up money for a down payment on a house.  I think they finally got what I was trying to tell them that moving into a rental up here for a year was not going to help anything because rent up here is just as much as it is down there.  They have a decent apartment in a decent location right now that allows them 2 cats and a dragon. 

The DIL is now working and training as a vet assistant and she loves her job.  She really does love it.  She loves the animals and does not have a problem with going to work.  TJ has been sick for quite some time and finally went to the doctor.  He is on meds now and hopefully it will get better for him soon.

So, a dinner at home with a couple that I went to college with that lives in the area, and one dinner out to a new restaurant with my friend Susan...in February.  Lucy is not liking the snow anymore than I am but even less because she has to go potty outside.  I, on the other hand, do not have to leave the house.

This is my life now.  I am 58 years old and living on my own with a dog that is the best behaved dog in the world.  She is my buddy.  I work from home.  I cook what I want when I want...or just eat toast and peanut butter.  I do laundry about every 10-14 days.  I go grocery shopping twice a month.  I just don't have the daily human contact. That is both a good and bad thing.  I can have complete control over my finances.

God has my back.  I am not worrying about what's up ahead.   I know He is taking care of it. 

This blog has helped me to put things into writing that I needed to get out of my system and get through my marriage/divorce/aftermath. 

Melting Away

I have a fairly good bill of health.  The doctor said there is a TINY nodule on what's left of my thyroid.  It is a matter of waiting for it to get a point where I need to begin the fight with the doctor's to remove the thyroid in order to biopsy it.

My blood sugar level is good, my cholesterol level is good. The doctor said my diet it good...just don't do keto and stay away from red meat. He also told me that I was extremely low in D3.  He told me to take 5000 IUs each day, gel capsules.  So, I have been doing that and just recently added magnesium to that.  I had been taking potassium every morning for weeks and it seemed to help me feel somewhat better. 

I lost 3 pounds in 5 days.  I was not doing any major exercising. The only thing I have changed is no carbs after noon.  I have found if I want bread/grain carbs I can eat them but they have to be consumed before noon.  If I don't eat any of them after noon, I will lose weight. Curious...I made this discovery by accident.

An old boyfriend found me.  No..there is no relationship...beyond a friendship and I have made it perfectly clear that there is NOT going to be a relationship.  I told him that I am not interested in a relationship right now and when I am, it will not be him.  He is an ex boyfriend for a reason and we have baggage in a past relationship and I am not messing with that. Besides, I find many things about him annoying.  IF I decide I want to have someone in my life, I am not settling.  I would rather go it alone.  If he tries to push an agenda, he will be cut off.  I have not patience for putting up with someone trying to manipulate me and I have gotten good at recognizing passive-aggressive.

My daughter's bf bought me some CO2 detectors and smoke detectors for my house.  I plugged a few of the CO2 detectors in. This morning the one in the hallway started chirping at me.  I got upset.  I found it weird that the one in the kitchen did not go off and the one in the sunroom with the fireplace burning did not go off. So I moved the chirping CO2 detector to the livingroom. Same thing. Then I moved it to the closed off extra bedroom. Same thing.  So moved one of the other CO2 detector to the livingroom and nothing.  I unplugged it and noticed a compartment on the back.  I opened it and there as a 9 volt battery in there.  Apparently, the battery was low in the chirper.  So, it scared me for nothing.  ugh  Life is annoying enough.

Having the trees cut down drained my finances and now I am catching up with some things.  It is not an easy thing with the Christmas season upon me.  I am definitely going to need to pick up part-time work and pray that Ohio Connections Academy hires me for next year.   However, for now, I just need to concentrate on getting through this school year.

One More Time

I finally made a move.  I called the doctor to get a checkup. Usually if I call to make an appointment and I am a new patient, I have to wait at least a month.  But...no...I was on the books for a less than a week later.  I needed to have my thyroid checked...what is left of it.  It is swollen.  So...here I go again.

The doctor seemed to like my sense of humor.  And why do they always seem surprised to find out I don't take any medications and that my blood pressure is normal?  So, he made me call and schedule a mammogram along with an ultrasound for my thyroid.  I also am having a full panel blood workup done.  yikes.

My 2 trees in my yard were taken down over the course of these last 2 days.  $1200 for 2 trees and the stumps ground into the ground.  Now my yard looks naked.  I am now planning on planting a row of lilac trees in between my side porch and the street.  At least it will smell nice and give me a degree of privacy.  The only problem is it will obscure Lucy's  view. She LOVES to watch the joggers, bike riders, walkers, school kids and cars go by.  So...I may have to plant them off at an angle so that she still has a street view.  I will figure it out. Lucy spent the second day of the tree workers half laying under my desk while she watched them load the logs onto the trucks.

I got the fireplace in the sunroom figured out.  I did not know that once you light it, the temperature sensor tells the flame when to shut off and turn back on!  I open the door from the sunroom into the diningroom and it warms the WHOLE house.  I set the thermostat down for the furnace.  Lucy doesn't want to come in at the end of the day when I shut off the fireplace and want to close the door. The logs are missing because my mom broke them when she picked them up.

I got my rug laid down in my area of the sunroom that is my office.  It makes it look so much more like my office space.

I am killing it with the IEPs I am writing. They are buttoned down!  I am getting my job under control..finally.  I feel like I am getting somewhere.

The next thing I have left is to get the cataracts off my left eye.

Bethany and Jordan are coming to visit next weekend.  They are coming after she gets off work Thursday night.  I am taking Friday off of work. They awarded the Intervention Specialists a $200 bonus and an extra paid day off whenever we want.  So, I am taking mine.

Jordan decided to text with me the other night.  He says that his online trading has slowed down for a bit.  He is going to work for FedEx over the holidays just so he can pay the rent without dipping into his money.  He is saving up to buy a house with cash.  Must be nice.  He is smart.  He is also studying to how to raise gourmet mushrooms.  He sent me pictures of the petri dishes he has that he is trying to grow samples in.  The have some kind of tree stuff in them that the fungus needs to grow.  He is different.  ha ha!  And Bethany will soon be taking her Pharmacy Tech National Cert test.

I think Jordan will be looking around to see if he is interested in them moving up this way next spring or summer.  He, Bethany, Frodo the cat, Pippin the cat and Arwyn the bearded dragon.   And the fungus.

The sad part about the last few weeks:  my cousin Tom succumbed to pancreatic cancer...less than 2 months after he found out he had it.  He was a wonderful, fun, big hearted guy. He was smiling until the end.

Beach Hazard Alert

The packing of the truck was a 24 hour adventure.  Then the drive up to the house...I got started late, my parents met me about an hour north of the house I left.  My dad took over driving the truck and I fell asleep. As we got close, we pulled over, I got in with my mom and she drove me straight to the bank to sign the paperwork, and it was taken straight to the title company who, in turn, walked it into the courthouse and filed it.  In the meantime, my dad had taken the truck to my new home, mom and I drove there and met my dad and the realtor, who handed me the keys and a welcome mat for my house. 

The next morning, my brother, his wife, my older sister, her husband and my dad all drove to my new house and unloaded the truck.  My mom and I got her just as they were finishing (less than 2 hours later).  Considering the lack of sleep I had for the week and certainly the 24 hours before, I was eternally grateful that they unpacked the truck.  I looked through the house and had a few heavier things moved to the correct rooms then I went back to my parents'.  I came back the next day and started unpacking.

Long story short, over the next 4 weeks boxes were unpacked, walls were painted, the place was cleaned out, I had a new furnace installed and an AC unit hooked up.  By then I had a week of vacay left before I had to start my job.  My daughter came to spend a long weekend and there was a wonderful festival on Bridge Street (in the harbor district, where I live) and a Lighted Boat parade. We also attended a family reunion for my mom's side of the family.  I loved having her here.

kitchen...took down some cupboards

Lucy lounging on the deck

Office view

diningroom repainted

Livingroom redone

family reunion

beach near me

Lighted boat parade under the lift bridge

She left, I had a few days to myself then I had to pack and go off to 2 days of  Professional Development meetings.  The new school year is underway and so far it is not bad. I lost 2 of my closest peers. They both had enough after last year's chaos.  One is got job in another online school that pays more with better benefits (and she insists that she and another ex-coworker are going to get me in there with them next year) and the other one took a job in a brick and mortar school. 

My son and daughter in law came to visit for 5 days. They take a week's vacation every year on their anniversary.  There was the WWII reinactment that took place at the park/beach that we attended and I found quite a few old friends and classmates there.  They were able to visit with family on my side and his dad's side, had beach time and hang out on Bridge Street. They both want to leave southern Cincy and move up here.  So he is now looking hard for work closer to here.  I pray it works out for them. Brit (his wife) was actually happy and pleasant!  She was not a slob, and we had some really good conversations.  It was a good visit!

Scottish troops

WWII reinactment

My neighbors are all friendly and I love looking out my front window at the lake.

I still have some painting to do and a things that need fixed and replaced but it will all come in time. But, I am comfortable here and it is familiar territory. 

Since I moved in they have repaved the road and are now replacing gas lines.  yay.  Oh well...time for sleep.