Head down...moving on

 School is back in session and I am just not feeling it.  I was that way last year at this time, too.  The only hopefulness about it is that they SAID they are only doing enrollment for the first 2 weeks of January and they are taking people off the waitlist.  WHY is that hopeful?  Because I am at 20 students on my caseload.  I checked and only 2 other 7th grade ISes have as many as me.  They try to even out the caseloads so that means that all of the other 7th grade ISes will get new students before me.  AND if they only do enrollment for 2 weeks, then hopefully we will all be capped off at 20.  That means for the first semester EVER, I will not get any new students.  That would be ideal!

I am not talking about politics.  I am not happy with either side.  Not saying anything about that bunch coming in and their plans.  Just going to say my prayers, do my thing as I should and keep the faith in God.  The end is looming and I want to be on the up escalator.

Having said that, I am hoping to bag a cute little house a few blocks away from my parents. The neighborhood is quiet, I am used to it, and the house is just the right size for me.  It has enough room for Beth and Jordan if they need to stay for a while the only down side is it has only the one bathroom.  I will not think about that because I do not know what the future holds and it may just be me.  The landscape is miniscule which means no flower beds all around the house.  Just in the front and they are small.  I could do some flower pots in the summer and be done with it.  It would be a weird concept and something to get used to.  

Not much else to say.  It is winter and I am at low energy.  

Projecting

I finished my walk way.  I am going to maybe reconfigure the fancy end pavers because I am not satisfied with them...maybe add another...and a few of the other pavers still need a little leveling.  It also needs more dirt between the pavers.  I was waiting for the rain storm that we had last night for everything to settle.

Today I start work on a couple of things at once.  I have to put plastic down on my garage floor so that I can spray paint the rebar that will support my privacy screen for my back deck and to seal my concrete bird bath.  I will also be filling in the nail holes and screw holes in my bedroom wall (almost 20), sand that down and paint over it.  Thankfully the paint for the walls was in the basement.  AND THEN, I will begin putting the flooring planks down.  That will begin on Monday and may take me a few days. 

I also have the front railing to paint.  Not sure I will do that today.  I may do that next week then my dad is going to help me put that on.  The only other things I want to accomplish is to put in the fan in my office area and the new vent/fan in the main bathroom.

Sounds like a lot but I can get it done in short order.  My son informed me that, at this point, he is planning on visiting July 11-14th and I have a friend planning on spending the night on July 15th.  So...I have my target date to have it all done...July 10th.  I work well with a target date.

My friend Debbie is doing some interior redecorating...painting, flooring...to her mom's house because she is going to purchase it and move in next month.  Her mom is elderly and having health issues. Debbie is a nurse.  Debbie's 4 siblings encouraged her to do it and that way she can sell it later, if she wants, and make some money from it.  They are married. She is divorced and this is what happens.  I may end up selling my house and moving in with which ever one of my parents is left after one of them dies...just so the one that is left does not have to go to a nursing home.  It will help me out also because by the time it is all said and done, I will end up with enough money to buy a house for myself outright...no mortgage.  By then, my older sister may be ready to sell her house and we can find something that is mutually acceptable to both of us.

No...I obviously am not planning on remarrying.  I don't care.

I bought some lavender plants.  They were in my garage for a week.  I finally put them in large planters on my deck and 2 days later they were dead.  Ugh.  I messaged the herb farm I bought them from and let them know what happened and asked if they had any more that I could buy and try again. They told me to dig them up, bring them in and they will replace them for free.  I was not looking for that but if that is what they want to do...then, why not? 

I had my second interview with the other online school.  It was tough.  I think it went well BUT I am not sure if they will offer me the job or if I want it. I can say that I would want more money but this is for an 11th grade position working with the algebra II teacher.  My algebra II skills are rusty but I have confidence I could get up to speed fairly quickly with that but then I am thinking about learning a new system and getting used to a new grade level and it makes me tired just thinking of it.  Usually I am all for a new challenge but I am losing my enthusiasm for it.  I just don't feel like they will be offering me this position at this time.  They will probably find someone else that is a better fit.  That is my gut feeling.  However, IF they do offer me that job, I will most likely take it.  Who knows?  I may really end up liking it.  I have 8 more years before I am thinking I am going to consider retiring.  Debbie says we won't be here anymore by then and she may be right.  I am not going to worry about it.

Well, things are not going to get done by themselves.  Off I go!

Dealing with the Dirt

Today will be spent digging in the dirt. SO MANY WEEDS!  And I have 4 plants and 7 bushes to put in.  It is good to get them in now as it is going to be raining for the next 5 days.  Next weekend will be paver walkway time and 'fix the new garden I started time.  During the week I will put plastic on the garage floor and do some spray painting...the bird bath, the rebar to support my privacy screen.  I also have the railing to paint but I can put that off for another week. 

This next week will be my last week of school.  Not my last week of work, just my last week of school.  The following week I will work on the student progress reports.  I can finish those in about 2 days.  I hate doing them.  I start with the longest ones first, then do the shortest ones then leave the medium length until last.  I have 3 or 4 students that have EVERYTHING on their IEPs.  I have 6 students that barely came to any Intervention classes this 2nd semester.  In hind sight, the padlet that I started as a resource for them to use...I listed the links to extra help lessons for their gen ed work, step sheets, study guides....that was supposed to be as much help to the parents as it was the students, and save me some time, it may have caused them to quit coming to Interventions.  They simply did not understand that the Intervention classes were not the same thing as the gen ed assignment help.  No matter the amount of emails that I sent to the students and parents.  So I had to go by work samples if they were doing better or not.    Next year...I am making my plans for next year....

The interview went as I feared....they don't have a SOLID job opening.  They have some tentative job openings but they are waiting on enrollment numbers.  If those numbers go up before the 1st of August and she wants to make me a job offer then it will be considered.  If I don't hear anything out of them then I know I am meant to stay at OHVA for whatever reason.  If the latter is the outcome, I am trusting that God has something in the works to help me with my income situation.  I will need more in order to afford a car replacement. 

I am also trusting His guidance on my housing situation.  This place is nice but the summer traffic gets on my nerves.  He knows me and will work it out as it should be.    I just have to relax and go with it. 

I have barely heard anything out of my son all week. This means that he and the wife are getting along okay and that he is also feeling a little guilty about complaining about her to me so much.  He did text me that he is getting a bonus from the job he is on right now and if he adds that to the money he has been saving, he will be 3/5 of the way to the down payment he is saving for a house.  All I said was, Just make sure your relationship is solid before you do that.  He replied, Definitely.  And that is all the unsolicited advice I am giving on that.  In order to lure him back home, his wife had told him that if he came back she would give him the credit and debit cards except the debit card for her personal bank account.  He felt that was a good start and, frankly, I was stunned that she would relinquish them.  That is why I said to him that if he was going back, he needed to leave that day.  I knew he would at some point and it was not only because I was concerned with him driving in the rain but I wanted my quiet routine back.  I didn't want to listen to the roller coaster that is his relationship.  I had lived through my own for 25 years and I just didn't want to deal.  He will have to decide if he wants the ride to stop so he can get off or just continue for many years to come.  I feel as much to blame that he is on this because he is just living the life he grew up with.  I have tried to convince him that there is a different kind of life out there but it is up to him to decide if he believes me or not.

I don't hear a lot out of Bethany.  She stays fairly quiet. She and Jordan support each other, as far as I know.  I don't like to poke at her too much because she feels attacked and gets defensive.  I could ask her the simplest question such as, "Are you and Jordan doing okay with your jobs and the stress?"  and she would get defensive as if I had said something negative.  Yet, I sometimes worry that if I DON'T ask questions and show an interest that she will feel as if she is abandoned by me. 

Well...time to get ready to go dig in the dirt.  I am looking forward to the end result.  However, if I am truly going to 'end' this today, it will be a very long day.

Stop to Admire the Dandelions

I have seen a lot of posts about not killing the dandelions in your yard because that is what the bees use for food in the spring before everything opens up.  You know....my yard should be Bee Heaven right now.  And I do not care.  My mom is so proud that they have fought the battle of the dandelions and win every year.  They have a beautiful yard and home.  People know who they are because of it and remark to them about it when they are out and about.  I will not be known for that although I have had many older women in the neighborhood stop and remark to me how nice my flower gardens look. Personally I think they probably look really nice to them because they remember what it all looked like before I bought the place.  It is just a comparison.

And there I go again not giving myself credit.

There is this father and son that go past my house on bikes every Saturday morning.  The father looked quite awkward on the bike the first few times but he is now looking more confident. The son has a smile on his face.  I am deducing that dad always had other things to do before but now he has free time and is doing more things with his son.  Son obviously is quite happy about it.

I do not begrudge the Stay at Home orders and shutowns for things like allowing nature to get cleaned up and thrive and for families to thrive.  I do, however, mourn the negative impact it has had on businesses and personal economy.  I think there are lawn care businesses that are hurting because more people are beginning to take care of their own lawns because they have time and it is something to do and/or they can't afford to pay someone else to do it right now.  Frankly, if I had the money, I would pay someone to at least mow it for me.

I gave my dad's laptop to my cousin Tommy and he fixed it for him.  I paid Tommy since this was the 3rd laptop he had worked on for me.  Hopefully there will not be others.  Dad is pleased that he will be able to use it again.

I hear the woman next door yapping at her husband. She is so loud.   I am hoping that I will be able to get my lattice privacy wall up this week before TJ gets here.   I would like to go out on the deck with him.  It will not stop the noise from next door but it will lend a bit of privacy.  I should be able to open up my blinds on that side of the sunroom.  The Lucy won't be laying there watching them and barking every time someone makes a move. 

I am washing some clothes and waiting for my outdoor work clothes to dry.  I need the oversized sweatshirt to wear because it is still cool with a damp breeze.    I am just enjoying sitting here in the sunroom right now while Lucy watches out the doors.  The summer noises have begun...cars driving by with their windows down and music turned up, a few motorcycles.  There aren't so many motorcycles yet because they use this road to go to Geneva-on-the-Lake.  It is a summer 'fun' spot with games, outdoor eating places, bars, a small amusement park, zipline, and lots of bikers.    I used to go there on summer nights with my friends when I was a teenager.  We rode go-carts, played mini-golf, ate pizza.  The amusement park sat quiet at that time and of course there was no zipline then because no one had thought of it.  They have an arcade too.  I was not into video games at that point.  I tried playing pinball a few times.  We just hung out with other teenagers.  The bikers all basically stayed at one end of the strip at that time.  Now they are all over.  More bars have opened.  The strip hosts a Biker Weekend near the end of summer and the roar off all of those gangs of bikers going past my house is enormous.  Lucy and I escape to my parents' during those days.  Not sure how that will play out this summer. 

I am hoping they still have the boat parade this summer but I don't know.  With social distancing it may not happen because there is always hoards of people that gather. 

So many things are different and hard to plan out.

Digging Not to China

I loaded Lucy up and went to visit with my parents and my 2 nearby siblings. It has become a regular Sunday afternoon thing. We would all show up after mom and dad got home from church. Church is now closed, of course, but we still show up between 12 and 12:30 anyway.  I have discovered something...my parents are hard of hearing and become more easily confused the older they get but my brother just does not listen.  I have to repeat myself to him 3 times because he only 'hears' parts at a time.  He is too eager to give 'advice' so he doesn't listen to the whole thing.

I joined a local plant exchange group on FB.  I was looking for some rhubarb plants and the one that started the group messaged me and told me that after seeing my post, she posted looking for rhubarb, too and someone responded to her that she could come dig up as much rhubarb as she wanted so she would dig some up for me too and all I had to do was come to her house and get it.  So, I did and Saturday I was out digging up a new garden spot for plants that like the shade and moist soil (rhubarb being one of those plants).  I dug up some of my extra hosta, yellow lillies and yellow irises and planted them there too.  I even had some leftover rhubarb to give my sister.  The garden spot was started by a large rubbermade deck box that I had removed from my porch (not good sitting on a wooden floor) and sat it up next to my garage.  I asked my brother if he wanted it so my dad and I loaded it in the back of my SUV and my dad took it to him when he took my SUV home with him (dad was taking it to the mechanic early in the morning last Tuesday) to get my new front struts on...which I had also left in my brother's garage after he thought he was going to put them on for me but discovered he would be able to get to the left one.  I told him I would have Dean (my brother's friend that owns a car repair garage) do it but I asked him to store the struts in his garage until I needed them because they were too heavy for me to move around.

AT ANY RATE, the grass under where the deck box had been sitting was dead so it was easy to dig it up.  I also dug up  more.  I then took up the few large cement squares leading to my porch and laid them on the weeds and grass along the garage that I still want to get rid of to extend the garden.  I then started cutting and lifting sod because I am laying a double line of square cement pavers to create a walkway to my porch from the driveway.  I found a brick to measure the space between the pavers.  I got 4 down...36 more to go.  I did some weeding and cleaned out my storage building and I potted some more plants. 

I took a dog dish full of water out for Lucy. She laid in the grass and watched the  neighborhood OR followed me around the yard.  It was a very nice and productive day for us both.

Friday I took my touch screen laptops to my cousin Tommy.  Today, after I left mom and dad's, I went and picked up my newer touch screen.  He had to reload my OS but it is now working just great!  He said the charging port inside the other one is cracked and he will have to see if he can find another one for it.  I told him not to sweat that one.  However, I did drop off my dad's laptop with him.  Dad said he decided to take the Chromebook back after all. He said he realized he didn't need to spend that money for something he really didn't need.  But I could tell he was disappointed in his laptop.  I talked him in to letting me take it to Tommy and letting him work on it.  Tommy messaged me tonight and told me he had already cleared out a ton of junk that was on dad's computer and added some RAM so that it would load things a bit easier.  He is still working on getting it going faster so that dad can use it again.  Maybe dad will be happy with his computer again.  He spent too much money on it for it to be a paper weight. 

I got a bird bath.  It was so cheap I couldn't pass it up.  The problem is it is a heavy cement thing.  I am going to paint it first then I have a clear coat/sealer for cement spray to put on it after that paint dries THEN I will put it out front.  I have SO much to do this year.  I have to paint and secure the railing on my front steps, replace a ceramic light in my sunroom with a fan/light, replace a vent fan in the main bathroom, and put in the new flooring in my bedroom.  I also need to put a couple more coats of porch paint on my porch. 

Debbie said that if she buys her mom's house it needs some fixing up. She said she may call on me for help with that.  I told her I can paint, wire in new fixtures and outlets, even help with some drywall and replace a garbage disposal however, if it is major building or plumbing I am no help.  LOL  Oh...lawn mowing, she is on her own also.

Okay...24 more days of school.  2 IEPs to write this week.  It is good for me that it is raining all week so I won't feel tempted to go outside and dig. 

Bath for Birds and Pile o' Weeds

I did not think this would be quite so difficult.  I told myself, "life will not change so much.   You work from home, you live by yourself."    But it has.  I cannot see my friends.  They will text and call but it is not the same.  No sitting at each other's houses having tea or beer and conversation.  No going to a store or restaurant together. 

TJ's job got cut right before he was to start.  The hospital closed parts of it and laid off 50% of the IT department.  They told him that they would bring him in once things opened back up.  But who knows when that will be?

Susan, whose husband died 2 weeks after my divorce was official, has not sat still since.  She got busy and completed the remodel of their house that was planned in order for her mom to move in. Then she packed up her mom and moved her in.  She joined a book club and volunteered at the community food pantry, among other things. She kept on working her job at the school.  But then this stay-at-home corona virus thing hit and the school buildings closed and since she was a paraprofessional she just had to stay home...not clubs and she couldn't volunteer because she was worried about bringing germs home to her mom.  She has had nothing but time to think  and it is all settling in...her life without her husband. 

Debbie called me tonight.  She had told me over the weekend that she had to go stay with her mom because she had fallen outside and hurt her hip.  She said she was pretty resentful because her 4 siblings expected it of her because she is the single one.  She says her mom smokes a lot and is lazy and the smoking bothers her breathing.  She also is resentful because she works long hours as a nurse and now she has to come there and clean up.  Tonight she told me that she is considering buying her mom's house and then she will have her own place, she will fix it up and when her mom is gone, the house is hers.  She said her mom can pay her rent.  Her siblings told her to do that.  I told her that the fixing of things is that pain in the butt part. 

That seems to be my siblings way of thinking of me.  When one of our parents dies, since I am single, I will get to take care of the one that's left.  I wouldn't mind but their attitude seems to be that I should just sit quietly and stay out of the way until they need me.

I tried to give my father my extra laptop.  It has a really fast processor and I took all of my stuff off of it.  He was complaining that his laptop was slow.  BUT as soon as I mentioned giving him my extra laptop he ran out and bought a chromebook.  I overreacted about it when it was none of my business.  I apologized for questioning their need to buy that when I could have given them a free computer.  I was being ornery.  I had been anxious all do and found myself having intermittent panic attacks.  I had seen someone post on FB "remember, there are some that are quarantined with abusers."  and it just sent me over the edge.  I really did not expect a reaction let alone panic attacks.  All day.  I ended up taking 2 CBD oil capsules so that I could calm down and sleep.  I woke up this morning and I felt the anxiety rising in me again so I took 2 more capsules.  I told Debbie that those reactions just need to be done already.  She said, "you need more therapy.  Yet, you bought a bird bath."  I told her that working outside IS my therapy.

I went down the road to my cousin Tommy Jr.'s tonight to drop off my touchscreen laptop for him to fix.  I will be SO happy to have that back. Well, since my dad does not want this laptop I am typing on right now, I will give it to TJ's wife, Brittany.  Tommy Jr. is fixing the other smaller, slower touchscreen laptop that the ex bought me 6 years ago.  I will have that for a back up incase  something happens to my favorite touchscreen. 

Any how, I have a lot of weeds to deal with outside tomorrow an a bird bath to deal with.

Stay at Home

  I am on spring break.  I am doing some spring cleaning in my house as well as using my time to make some life style changes.

   It is difficult...too difficult...to get the exercise back into my life.  It is sad that it is so difficult.  I have made too many excuses and let myself lag behind way too much. 
 
    My anxiety is ramped up...along with everyone else.  My son is ping ponging back and forth between anxiety and depression.  He is happy and nervous and upset.  He is happy because he is still starting his new job because is it IT for a medical facility.  He is starting it a few days later because they had to figure out how to train him with everyone now working from home. AND he will have to work from home also which gives HIM extra problems since they are living with her parents and there are 3 very loud dogs there.  He may have to work in the room where they keep their cats just to get some semblance of quiet.    He is nervous about a new job.  He is upset because of the circumstances around us.  Who isn't?

    My daughter was able to get into a doctor to get a new inhaler.  She has not had problems with asthma in over a year but she needs this...just in case.  I pray for her protection working in that pharmacy 5 days a week.  I pray for Jordan's safety working for FedEx.  I pray for the safety of so many.  Who would have suspected?

    I am trying my best to stay off of social media.  It just makes me more anxious also.  I am hoping that the way things are today for us all is as bad as it gets.  In reality I should not be seeing so many vehicles coming and going up and down the road outside the front of my house as I do.  It is a lot less than normal but it is still too many.  Last night it was a ghost town but every 10 minutes or so I still heard a vehicle pass by.

   I started taking allergy meds because my allergies seem to be worse than usual for this time of year.  I sleep better at night because of them.  So I am getting plenty of sleep. 

   At least the sun is out today and I can have the sunroom open...with a little chill chasing from the ventless gas stove.  Lucy is quite happy with that arrangement.

One More Time

I finally made a move.  I called the doctor to get a checkup. Usually if I call to make an appointment and I am a new patient, I have to wait at least a month.  But...no...I was on the books for a less than a week later.  I needed to have my thyroid checked...what is left of it.  It is swollen.  So...here I go again.

The doctor seemed to like my sense of humor.  And why do they always seem surprised to find out I don't take any medications and that my blood pressure is normal?  So, he made me call and schedule a mammogram along with an ultrasound for my thyroid.  I also am having a full panel blood workup done.  yikes.

My 2 trees in my yard were taken down over the course of these last 2 days.  $1200 for 2 trees and the stumps ground into the ground.  Now my yard looks naked.  I am now planning on planting a row of lilac trees in between my side porch and the street.  At least it will smell nice and give me a degree of privacy.  The only problem is it will obscure Lucy's  view. She LOVES to watch the joggers, bike riders, walkers, school kids and cars go by.  So...I may have to plant them off at an angle so that she still has a street view.  I will figure it out. Lucy spent the second day of the tree workers half laying under my desk while she watched them load the logs onto the trucks.

I got the fireplace in the sunroom figured out.  I did not know that once you light it, the temperature sensor tells the flame when to shut off and turn back on!  I open the door from the sunroom into the diningroom and it warms the WHOLE house.  I set the thermostat down for the furnace.  Lucy doesn't want to come in at the end of the day when I shut off the fireplace and want to close the door. The logs are missing because my mom broke them when she picked them up.

I got my rug laid down in my area of the sunroom that is my office.  It makes it look so much more like my office space.

I am killing it with the IEPs I am writing. They are buttoned down!  I am getting my job under control..finally.  I feel like I am getting somewhere.

The next thing I have left is to get the cataracts off my left eye.

Bethany and Jordan are coming to visit next weekend.  They are coming after she gets off work Thursday night.  I am taking Friday off of work. They awarded the Intervention Specialists a $200 bonus and an extra paid day off whenever we want.  So, I am taking mine.

Jordan decided to text with me the other night.  He says that his online trading has slowed down for a bit.  He is going to work for FedEx over the holidays just so he can pay the rent without dipping into his money.  He is saving up to buy a house with cash.  Must be nice.  He is smart.  He is also studying to how to raise gourmet mushrooms.  He sent me pictures of the petri dishes he has that he is trying to grow samples in.  The have some kind of tree stuff in them that the fungus needs to grow.  He is different.  ha ha!  And Bethany will soon be taking her Pharmacy Tech National Cert test.

I think Jordan will be looking around to see if he is interested in them moving up this way next spring or summer.  He, Bethany, Frodo the cat, Pippin the cat and Arwyn the bearded dragon.   And the fungus.

The sad part about the last few weeks:  my cousin Tom succumbed to pancreatic cancer...less than 2 months after he found out he had it.  He was a wonderful, fun, big hearted guy. He was smiling until the end.

The Firepits of Life

Spent yesterday afternoon shopping with my daughter for dresses for TJ's wedding.  Most things that were for her age had a lot of material cut out of them...cutouts on the side, the back, the front...not a whole dress.  Or they were too sparkly or fluffy.  LOL   She said she wanted to be covered up and not peeking out.  She had found something online she liked and I guess we will order that.

I did not have any luck.  Too sparkly, too long, too 'loud'...and when I did find something I thought would work...TOO EXPENSIVE.  So I came home and ordered my dress online also.  It is a light blue-ish lace dress with an underlining.  It is knee length and short sleeved and will fit in with the small, outdoor winery-'country picnic' reception.  And I can wear it again.  Not TOO fancy but just enough.

I also found out something interesting.  I have been tracking my food intake on My Fitness Pal.  It will also track your intake of vitamins and minerals, sugar, carbs, fat, etc.  I was looking at it last night and discovered that not only was my potasssium intake extremely (exTREMely) low but my iron intake was almost non-existent and my calcium intake could be much better.

I discovered the potassium problem a couple of weeks ago and bought some potassium tablets.  The cramping in my calf muscles has just about disappeared now.  However, the very low levels of iron intake could explain the muscle fatigue that I experience.  It isn't a normal muscle fatigue.  I experience it quickly and often...sometimes even the slightest tasks.  And it makes everything on me feel like lead weight.  At any rate, I am going to double check how much iron I should have a day and get some iron tablets.  I will leave 'room' for iron intake from foods.  I also have to be drinking more almond milk for my calcium.  I have gone back to eating greek yogurt but I looked for the one with the least amount of sugar added.  I have been trying really hard to cut back on the sugar. (I rechecked the Potassium deficiency and my muscle fatigue is more due to that...I will not be taking iron supplements)

I found bread that does not have any sugar in it.  The down side is that it is hard to toast.  After all, if you think about it, it is the sugar in things that cause it to carmalize  and it is the sugar that burns.  So, toast is just carmalized bread!  LOL

I began work on my paver patio.  This thing is going to take me a bit longer than anticipated.  It was majorly hot yesterday and I had to quite after 2 hours because I was having a very hard time breathing.  I was drenched in sweat.  It took a lot out of me and I did not have much energy for the mall walking.  I was glad when it was over.

I have to go to the garden ctr portion of the home store and get a few more things today.  I have decided to BUY an inexpensive firepit then stack stones up around it to make it look more rustic.  I have LOTS of stones.  And that way, I can use masonry adhesive...the DIY site says I can.  :D
It will be quicker also AND I don't have to worry about what kind of cement I am using, if I am using the right kind of brick liner, etc.  This has turned into a much more costly endeavor than I had first thought but it will be nice when it is done.  I hope Bethany and her friends will like it.  It is just one little addition to the home and will make the backyard nicer.  Right now my back yard is just a yard encircled with a fence.

Well...onward.  I have a life to get on with.

Oy with the Poodles Already

I did it.  I met Matt for dinner.  WHYYYYY????

Let's just say, besides the fact that his picture was not a true representation of him, personality wise he was an obnoxious ass.

Nuff said.  That's done.

I am on vacation this week.  Vacation from my paying gig.  I am doing some things around the house.  Mostly trying to get the outside fixed up.  I like getting things cleaned up and everything is growing so nice!  I think this year I may add some more rose bushes.  I do have to replace one of the Spirea bushes that took a powder on me.  Not sure why.  It just did.  I want to do something with the backyard this year.

I also have a kitchen I want to do something with...paint the cupboards and the walls, put up my backsplash.  It will look so nice!  I just need to do it...stick to it.  I hope my job doesn't kill me this summer.  LOL

I have 3 more weeks of real school after my vacation.  Then they will have us do 'something' for about 2 more weeks.  THEN we all have 2 weeks off.

TJ and Brit are deep into the last plans for their wedding. They are getting married in a vineyard and having a country themed small reception.  I volunteered to do the food and they are making it easy.  Bbq chicken, ham, green bean casserole, corn, corn bread, cole slaw...and perhaps I can do some of my potato salad.  There will be the wedding cake, of course.  I hope it is a really nice day for them.

It Is Not Laminated Cuz It's Not Forever

Flu.

Now...to move on.

I knew it was going to come...my daughter was going to have a melt down.  She missed a week of classes because of her flu.  So, when she sat down at her computer to do her classwork, it wasn't long before she was coming unglued.  I had to calm her down. She was feeling overwhelmed about the missing assignments that she had to catch up on, and she was not understanding the math because she missed two classes, and she didn't know how she was going to drive to the college downtown on her own and find her way around without Jordan if he had to quit because of a job, etc.

I told her to take a deep breath and back down.  "First of all, you can only do what you can do.  Don't put pressure on yourself about trying to get it all done for tomorrow.  Do what you can and what you are not sure of you will find out in class.  I have been there and sometimes I just need to be in class to get it figured out. As for math, if you are really not getting it, we will make you an appointment with a tutor.  AND IF you end up having to finish the semester without Jordan, you will do it.  He will make sure you understand the route to the parking garage and how to find your way around to classes.  You CAN do this because you are smart and capable and you ARE your mother's daughter.  You know some of what I have had to deal with and falling apart is not an option.  First you accept what is, then you realize what you CAN do, figure out what you will have to spend more time on, but you make a plan and dig in."  By now she had taken her place back in front of her computer, the tears had stopped, she sat up straight, put her shoulders back and I see her raise her chin.  Calmer heads had prevailed.

Then she and Jordan returned from classes the next day, all worked up...wound up and loud.  They went on about the psycho Lit instructor.  They even brought her up on some site called 'Rate Your Instructor'.  There were the same horrible reviews about this instructor on there dating back to 2002!  From reading all of them, it backed up what Jordan and Bethany were telling me and I told them I would be afraid she would come into class one day and go postal on the group!  They kept going on and on about her and getting louder and louder...over lapping each other's words...and I sat there feeling my insides coiling up and I finally felt like I was going to snap myself.  My daughter recognized the look on my face and pushed Jordan downstairs.

Jordan texted me this morning to let me know he had a nice conversation this morning with the head of the department and got he and Bethany changed to another class at the same time.  He is a good man.

In the meantime...I think my flu is morphing into bronchitis.  I was supposed to go to dinner theater with Jean tonight but we had to move it forward 2 weeks so that I can recover.  good times.

Introductions are in Order

I couldn't sleep tonight.  No reason that I know of.  I have those nights.

I got up and I melted some butter and grabbed a hard roll and poured a partial glass of red wine.  I put on a movie and dipped the roll, chewed on it, drank my wine and contemplated me...who I am, what I like...why.

I am jokes and joy.  I look for the sunshine.  I like to joke and laugh.  I like a happy raucous mess.

I grew up in a house where things were intense yet my parents always made time for family things.  They scrimped and saved and bought a used RV.  We went on trips.  My mother would plan meals, can ingredients.  Then we would pack and take off.  We traveled out to California a couple of times.  We went to Florida at least 3 times, if not more.  The one time we went to California we took a northern route and stopped at many places along the way.  South Dakota, Wyoming, Idaho...down the Pacific coast...stopping in San Francisco.  Then on to my aunt's house and Walt Disneyland.  We stopped at other places on the way home in Nevada, Arizona, etc.

My mother was/is an intense person who worked hard, and controlled. She spoke her mind and sometimes it didn't come out too kind.  She drove my dad because if left to his own devices he would do something like, oh, I don't know, REST.

My sisters...my oldest one has been through a lot, mainly from bad friends and bad choices.  My youngest sister, while having a lot of things in common with me, insulated herself from everyone and played a guilt game on everyone.  My brother just separated himself from the family.  He still does.

My oldest sister criticizes everyone and everything.  She can't relax and be happy.

My youngest sister and I share a weird sense of humor and can sit on the phone playing off of each other for the longest time.  Then there is the other side of her...where she will complain about some of the most absurd things and if you offer her some advice she comes back with some reason why that won't work/help.  So, we all quit and just let her say what she is going to say.  You want to help in some way because you know she is overwhelmed but she has that terrible piece of personality that she inherited from our mom...just like me...where you get stubborn and have decided you can do it all without any help...to accept help is weakness.

My youngest sister and I also share weird likes.  We both love the smell of Vicks Vapo Rub.  We like to rub some under our noses at night.

We are also addicted to bread.  She told me the other day that she loves bread so much that she has thought of buying herb infused oil and sit and dip bread in it and eat that for dinner...perhaps lunch and breakfast too.  I like bread...just not that much.  However, I do love crusty rolls.  I like the chewy crust.

My mother never liked to have our friends around the house.  Too much noise.

I wanted a house full of laughter.  And sometimes I get that.  My kid's friends...and we laugh.  And we do it freely now and make noise.  It can be chaotic and raucous and I like it.

I also like the calm that comes afterwards.  I hate to see my son leave but I have heard too many loud voices from him and his fiancee.  I don't want to hear any more arguing.  I heard yelling in the house when I was growing up.  I was always on edge wondering when my mom was going to go off because something wasn't done or done right.

My older sister did say once that they only laughed and had a good time when I came home to visit (after I had moved out on my own to a job and apartment an hour and a half away).  As we have gotten older my mother loves it when we are all around the table and we start picking and joking with each other.  Funny how that happens.  She didn't like the noise when we were younger...now she wants to hear it from us.

I want to dance and sing and laugh.  I want to hear happiness in my house.  I want to eat bread and sniff Vicks.  I want to talk a mile a minute and be silly like Gilmore Girls.

I want a guy that smiles about it all and wants to join in.  I want a guy that will just stop and give me a hug as he is walking by on his way to do something important.  He will take a deep breath and say, "you smell nice."  A guy that will throw his arm over me at night as I sleep.

I may want too much.  But it's a plan.

Letting Go of Habits

Christmas is tough.  When I was a kid growing up at home, Christmas meant decorating not only the house but the church as well.  Then there was the many many Christmas program practices.  Even when I was a teenager, we practiced with the adult chorus and I played in the orchestra as well.

It was the Nativity Christmas story over and over. Sometimes, there was a little bit of a Christmas play with more modern day characters in it as well.  It was tradition and habit.  It was what I knew. What I could count on.

Then everyone got older, moved away, the church population dwindled.  I got married and moved around.  Things were not like that for my kids.  They learned the Christmas story and I made sure they knew what Christmas was always about.  We eventually found a church for all of us to attend and they learned from them too.

Christmas traditions were more family oriented.  There was the cookie baking each year, packing them up and giving them to friends and neighbors.  They helped me decorate the house.  There was the present shopping and wrapping.  There was even gingerbread houses to be made and they decorated theirs and gave them to their teachers as gifts.  They were always so surprised that anyone made those anymore.  We got pictures from them afterwards of their families 'enjoying' the gingerbread house after Christmas.

But things are different.  The family is blown apart. Soon TJ will be moving out and he and his fiancee will be making their own Christmas traditions.  Then in another 2 years, Bethany will probably be moving on and she and Jordan (?) will make their traditions.

I hate the changes.  They are part of life but I hate them all the same.  I am so glad that I included my kids in so much.  I have lots of great memories.

It is difficult for me to sit here now and try to imagine my future.  I thought I had one I had a foot hold on.  I know that The Darkness and I had problems.  But somehow I saw us still together in the future...no matter how much I complained, I still hung on.  Now my future is faceless...and fuzzy.  I am not even sure if there is anyone there.  People tell me I will find someone but there are no guarantees.  I may not.

The one thing about marriage is I was someone's wife.  I had a husband.  I had a whole family.  I had something to 'work' with.

Don't get me wrong...living with 'crazy' is not a great way to live.  And I know that I imagined a future with him that was better when the truth of the matter is there was not going to be 'better'.

It is not HIM that I am having trouble with as far as letting go...it is the future I had planned in my head.  I am an anxious person and there have been way too many changes in my life. My anxiety makes me seem not so stable myself and I have been criticized for my choices and hanging on to something I shouldn't.  But there are lots of days when it just seems like I am literally holding myself together with rubberbands and chewing gum.   I liked buying this house and settling in it.  I imagined being here for a very long time and having someone to grow old with. The kids would always have a place to visit.

My mother has never truly gotten used to all of us leaving.  Every once in a while she mentions about the economy and she says, "you all might have to move back! We could turn the basement into more bedrooms and we could put in another bathroom."  I am not that bad.  I like seeing my kids grow up and go out into the world.  It is as it should be.  And, yes, I am nervous for them because it is never easy but they can do it.  I am here if they need a shoulder.  And if things get really bad, they know they have somewhere to land for a while.  But, I don't wish them to HAVE to come back.

I think most people seek that comfort zone...place where they can feel stability.  While I have this roof over my head and that should help me feel stability, it is the world around me that is making things feel not so calm.

One day at a time.  I thank God everyday for being there with me through it all and being my leaning post/my comfort zone.  I thank Him for the job I have now.  I needed this.  I know if I just relax and trust He will guide my future and it will all be good.  I just don't know if the future He knows will be good for me includes someone else.

Getting the Lead Out

I always have a long list of things I want to do on Saturday.  Yet, I never hit the ground running.

Here I sit, still at 1:30 in the afternoon. However, I have figured out in my head the order of attack and I AM going to finish certain things today.  The bathroom will be done, The wall over the fireplace WILL be done.  The papers will be sorted and boxed (old bills, etc).  AND the banana muffins and bread will be baked, some of it put in the freezer, and pumpkin cookies will be baked.

Tomorrow, if I am ambitious, I will be painting (finally) my office.  I hope to make my curtains and hang them too.  I have to make a trip to the fabric store at some point and get fabric for my daughter's closet 'door'.  It is oddly shaped and I wanted to do a barn door for it but the wall is only 5 foot long and the shortest slide rail I can get is 6 foot long.  poo.  So we decided to do a fancy curtain rod and a nature scene curtain.  This way she can pull it open one way to get into her closet and pull it the other way to reveal her full length mirror.

I spoke with the guy I needed to yesterday about the Financial job.  It sounds like it could be promising.  I will give it a try.  It doesn't cost me anything but some time for training.  If I end up being good at it and making money, I could get out of the education business.  It is so  stressful in the education field right now that any enjoyment I got out of it is quickly disappearing. And the pay sucks.  LOL

The weirdest part about that Financial job...I could hire my ex to work for me, if he wants to get back to Ohio and make money.  He likes the job he has but at the same time, if he could make good money doing something else, he would do it just so he could be where he wants to be.  I don't mean for him to be back in Ohio to be back with me.  Ain't happenin'.  I have no desire for that.  However, I do know that he wants to be near family and I know what it is like to feel homesick and disconnected.
It would also be great to be his boss.  LOL

I am not really planning on any of it but...you never know.

Well...time to get going on the day's projects and get things DONE.

Ms. Handyperson

This took me longer than it would have a regular person that does these sorts of things for a living BUT at least I know how to do it.

I put in a new bathroom fan/light fixture.  Well, it is not completely done, yet.  I have to go back up and find the two wires for the fan part and hook them in.  I only saw two wires at the time and figured that perhaps the fan and light were both connected to them.

I was wrong.  shocker.  LOL

BUT I got the old one out, hooked up the vent tubing and the other two wires, got it mounted and put together.  The I put the rest of it together underneath.

The next step...hook up a timer switch to the thing in place of the regular switch.  Wiring is not so bad if someone has had something hooked up in the first place.

I could not put in the soffet vent like I had planned.  Turns out that neither bathroom exhaust fans had ever been vented to the outside.  I could not put in the soffet vent because it was too difficult to get to so at some point I will have to put in a roof vent but...I did not have the energy left to do that.  So, for now, I ran the collapsible vent tubing to the roof heat vents.  I am sure it will help pull the air up through better than what was in place before...which was nothing.

I will say that once I had been up there and worked on this project, I have some respect for Evil Spawn.  Perhaps not a great deal...but some.  He put in a new fan/light in the livingroom for me before he left.  I have appreciated that thing ENORMOUSLY!  Now, if only I could figure out how to run new wiring I would put one of those puppies in my bedroom.

*****************
In other news:  My son landed his first fulltime job.  He was hired as a reporter/anchor for an iHeart news/talk radio station in Cincinnati.  It is an hour drive from here so he will need to move.  He has 2 weeks before he starts and he said he would like to not have to move until after the holidays.  I pray the winter is not so terrible.  If it gets too bad, he may find himself bunking at my younger sister's on the couch a few times...she is only about a 15 minute drive from where he is going to be working.

They are giving him the company car to drive, a cell phone and a laptop.

So, in a few months, my house will be less 2 adult residence.  Brittany was not happy to hear that she will be moving again so soon.  She is nervous about it...he is nervous about it.  I just told him (and her) that I am not that far away and I can be a lifeline.  BUT they will be fine.  The biggest thing is to work out a budget and stick to it.  She will also have to find herself a new job.

I am also going to be talking with a financial company about a part time job for extra money.  I need to pay off some debts and feel better about my future.  Once TJ and Brit move out, my utility bills and grocery expenditures will be lightened.  My Time Warner bill will be lighter too.  I am going to cut the cable off.  Bethany and I hardly ever watch a show when it is on and if I want to, I have a really great digital antenna hooked up to the TV in the family room.  I am going to subscribe to Hulu.  We already have Netflix.  My oldest sister and her husband log into my Netflix and watch it too. Bethany, TJ and Brit all watch it. I am the one paying for it and I hardly EVER watch it.  LOL!

I do not sleep well at night. I will fall asleep and sleep soundly for about 2-3 hours then wake up and I have to roll over and go back to sleep.  If I sleep for 4-5 straight hours, there is no going back to sleep.  But if I wake up 2-3 hours later, I can usually get back to sleep and get at least 6 hours sleep altogether.  Nothing helps...no melatonin or pain pills. Valerian root can sometimes help.

Christmas is coming...quickly.  I will have to buy something for Evil Spawn since he is going to be here and he is planning on buy me something.  I sent him a list.  LOL  I am not sure how it is going to go.  It will be weird.

I know the kids will appreciate him being here with them...and not on the Skype with a female friend in the background that they didn't know about.

I have been up since 4:45.  I fell asleep about 1:30.  It is now about 3 hours later and I think it is time for a nap.

The Nerve of it All

I did it.  I went to the chiropractor.  He is aggressive and painful...but the results are great.  For the first time in YEARS, the bulging disc is back in place...NO PAIN!

The last 2 weeks have been so stressful.  I have taken on extra responsibilities at work and this last week I was handed the left over student accounts from Erika, who quit.  She said it was way too much work and she wanted time for her own kids, etc.

It took me a while but I had to figure in my head how to organize things so that it flowed better. I tried a few different things but in the end, an organizer BOOK (yes, pencil and paper!) really helps me keep organized best.  I have to keep updating learning plans and calling parents.  Each family has different things they have to do to be ready for the online school or to get themselves and their students back on track.  I have teachers to check on student progress with, too.  In the midst of all of that, I have to present online orientation classes.

Now I have to work in the chiropractor visits.

Believe it or not, I get daily encouragement text messages from Evil Spawn...aka...Troy.  He is REALLY trying to convince me he is worth it.  I told him this is what FRIENDS do for each other.  I am trying to be 'friends' with him.  It will mainly help life be less stressful.

He tells me he is doing 2 different things: 1) looking for a good position in Ohio for a possible job change; 2) trying to convince his superiors to move ahead with their idea of having outlying avionics customer support techs, like Rockwell does...the old company he worked for.  He says he is home sick for Ohio, misses ALL of his family, and finds Kansas to be boring.

He can do what he needs to for himself.  Except move back in here.  I am getting my life back together, and while it is not ideal, it is better.  It can get better.  I like making my own decisions.  I could use his paycheck too in order to afford some things, LOL.

The longer Brittany lives here, the more she is becoming a combination of me and Bethany.  She has learned how to relax and be more casual while taking on the responsibility of her life.  She is doing a pretty good job.

TJ got an interview at a radio station he wanted to work at...but it is too much of a commute from here and he would have to think about moving out.  The amount they said they would pay would make life rather tight, budget wise.  But if Brittany gets a full time, or even part time job, they could do it.

I place everything in God's hands.

The Pursuit of Happyness

It arrived...like a thief in the night.  I sat last night and was thinking over how things are ever changing now....sometimes several times a day.  It is a good kind of busy and stress. 

At one time last week I wasn't sure having Brit here was going to work.  I wanted some sort of calmness in my life where I didn't have to figure things out for another person.  But then, God answered prayers and things started to click into place.  She was hired into our church daycare.  She felt empowered.  And with TJ's help she has been able to sit back and see things for what they are. She is doing well with the distance between her and her crazy mom and sister.  She is relaxed around here and laughs a lot now.  She will still have her down moments but she knows she has the freedom to talk things out with me and TJ.  I try not to insert my thoughts into hers.  The most I will tell her is I don't understand that whole thing and I blame her mom for it all.  She is learning how to do things and she is finding out she is NOT stupid like her mom always lead her to believe.  I am seeing a different Brit...happier, more confident. 

With the extra person and job schedule in the house, we are all learning to dance together...work things out and help.  It is working.  It is still in transition but it is working.  Even the dogs are getting used to a lot of in and out.  Bethany's friends have started popping back in once in a while.  I hope to get the new paver patio and fire pit done just in time for fall Mum Festival time.  Perhaps they will come gather on the back patio with the fire pit. The pups will be so joyful!  LOL

This hub bub...this coming and going and never being truly sure when/who/where things/people are going to be or happen....and everyone is productive and happy...this is the life I like.  While it looks like a whirlwind, I like it.  It reminds me of 'home'...my teenage years and beyond.  There was always a juggling act going on but we always tried to find some time in the week to all gather together and share our thoughts and observations.  We TALKED with each other.  We let each other be themselves.  It is like that here.  And it is good.  It is right. 

God removed the bad part and replaced it with all the things I love. 

Evil Spawn would never put up with this life.  He would be riding them all to get out and he would be railing on me for allowing it to be this way. 

I AM allowing it to be this way because it is how they are all learning to be considerate, thoughtful, independent adults.  They are being happy while learning how to work with and around others.  Life is a learning process and you have to have the room, freedom and support to be able to change, learn, grow.  I love these almost-adults that come and go through this house.  They are decent, thoughtful and use wisdom. 

God is good.  And my life is finally the calm in the midst of the happy chaos...and we all love each other and appreciate each other. 

Still Hanging in There

I have no major problems.  Not at this point.  I will enjoy my respite for now.  Something always comes along, eventually but I am not going to sit in wait.

Brittany was able to secure the job at my church's daycare.  She begins her new job next Monday.  She seems happy and excited.  I hope it goes well.  Her happiness is fleeting.  I am hoping that once she starts there she can look into seeing a counselor.  She is going to need it.

TJ is waiting to get his interview for a full time assistant TV news producer.  I am confident he is going to get the job.  He was told by one of the admins over in the TV studio that TJ is his pick for the job.   AND that there will be 2-3 producers leaving in about 3-4 months so if TJ does his assistant job well, he can move up quickly.  It would be nice to see things go well for TJ and Brit.

Bethany will be starting classes the last week of August.  It will be a juggling act that week.  TJ will be returning from a week in NYC just as I am leaving for a 2 day all staff meeting at a conference and resort center and Bethany will be starting classes. 

I am still training and seems I will be next week also.  I have lots of material to cover. 

This weekend I am taking Bethany and Jordan 'home' to be around the family.  Bethany hasn't had much chance to see anyone since March.  Jordan will get to meet EVERYONE all in one weekend.  He is excited and nervous all at once. 

I am back to trying to lose weight...for many reasons:  1) my lower back; 2) my hips; 3) my heart; 4) so that I can feel like the real me inside and out, again; 5) the most vain reason of all...to be attractive for someone new.  No, I don't have anyone in mind.  Bethany at first thought that was a terrible reason but I pointed out to her that whether we like it or not, people are visual and outward appearances matter.  I asked her to honestly tell me that she would have been quite so attracted to Jordan if he still looked like the fat, poofy haired guy he was in 10th grade.  I see her think about it and she admitted she may not have talked to him at first.  I told her, "See?  He is still the same guy inside and personality wise BUT in order for someone to want to get to know you, they have to be attracted to you."  It is the way of the beast.  Although, in my ex's case, he is attracted by the availability of sex.  And he doesn't seem to much care about the outside package.  *shudder*

Anyhow...I had better get back to my training sessions.  And by next Monday I should (hopefully) have my office set up.  And have a regular routine established.

Toxins

I have not gotten to downloading pictures, yet.  There was too much 'real life' that I left behind when I went on the trip and it was all waiting for me as soon as I got back. 

It was a good thing, really, that I had the week to be gone.  My husband needed time to decompress and wrestle with things.  He said it would be better if I wasn't around cuz he would just drive us both nuts.  The kids basically stayed out of his way.  They are good at hiding.  I hardly ever see them.  Troy says, "I know they live here, that they are down in those bedrooms cuz food and drinks keep disappearing from the kitchen."  I also do an awful lot of laundry that doesn't belong to either Troy or me!  LOL

I turned in my shirt and name tag at the convenience store today.  Aaron said I could continue to work weekends there if I want but he wanted a commitment of time from me.  I told him that, in all fairness, I could not really do that.  I had thought it through and, even though my mother and Troy had told me I probably should table the whole school thing and try to get in fulltime at DP&L, I had decided that I was NOT going to give up the college classes and, if given an opportunity to work fulltime at DP&L I would not turn it down either.  I do believe the college classes will be the pivotal point in me getting a good paying job...one that will be able to support me in a decent manner.  AND given all of that, I really didn't see how I could work 7 days a week and still do my classes justice.  Something was going to have to give.  I shook Aaron's hand, thanked him for the job and making it so enjoyable.

As for Troy, I understand what he's going through.  It was totally shitty.  He has fessed up to other things that I already knew.  I feel like saying, "You walk around here telling everyone else what they are doing wrong, how they should do it and what is wrong with them BUT you never hold yourself to the same standard!" but I won't go there.  It will not help the situation and there are so many things wrong now that it would serve no purpose to throw more crap on the pile.

He said it is time he grows up.  To that I could only think "Amen"  In his mind supporting your family meant you were a grown up.  While that is most admirable, it is only one piece of the pie.  I have had my immature/ill conceived moments myself.  I could give excuses for it but none of that matters.  In the end, stupid is stupid...no matter what the reasons or excuses.

I spent the night before we left on the trip sleeping in my old room at my parents...but not sleeping.  I allowed myself a moment to take it all in, and cry.  Then I was done.  I cannot afford to think about any of it and panic.  If I feel myself starting to get panicked I pray.  And I calm down.  God will take care of it and in whatever fashion He feels best for whatever reasons, we will hang on and ride it out and it will work.

This time, however, I feel like it will be a make it or break it moment for this family.  The kids are grown, Bethany is graduating this year, and I could find a way to take care of myself and the dogs and help the kids find their way.  We have discussed options about their further education.

It is not Troy being out of work...it is how he handles being out of work.  I simply cannot keep following him around kicking his butt and making sure he stays on the right track and not go off on a self-destructive field trip again.  As I said in a previous post, he has always been somewhat disconnected from us anyway.  He has always done his own thing off in his own corner and every once in a while he will look over and say, "oh yeah...you guys....what's going on with you?"  It took him the first 10 years of our daughter's life before he could remember when her birthday is. 

If he wants to know where I am working starting next week, he can ask our neighbor Derek, since he and I will be working at the same place.  I would try to conserve gas and do my part for the carbon foot print but I won't ride to work with Derek.  Troy says he thinks Derek has a thing for me...I disagree but since Troy thinks that and I get the idea that Derek's wife Barb thinks that...Derek and I riding in the same vehicle to and from work every day is a big NO!

All I know is this week I have to concentrate and getting our daughter ready for school (she starts the day after I start my new job...and she will graduate in May!) and getting Troy set up with an updated resume, a LinkedIn acct, and off and running with his job hunt.  I know he dreads it...who likes it?  but he needs to start moving forward.  The longer you wallow the harder it is to get up.  I know this by personal experience. 

I also have the shutters to finish and get hung along with the paint on the garage door.   There is a little gardening to do (weed patrol) but that is pretty much good.

We got new neighbors across the road in Corky and Becky's house.  They have a toddler, a baby, and another one on the way plus 2 boxers.  Good thing that house has 4 bedrooms!  AND the evil neighbors behind us had a moving truck backed up there.  Troy got all excited but I told him I was sure it was just her parents moving out.  They moved in with them last year at this time for some reason and now they have moved back out.

Also, while I was away, I was in constant txt contact with TJ.  He was undergoing tests becuz he was slightly jaundiced looking and he was having constant stomach pains so bad that he could hardly eat anything.  He had dropped another 5 pounds in 2 weeks and he his jean shorts were falling off (he always wore them to fit...not that bagging trend).  Blood tests and scans.  Today they finally got back to him and said his blood work was all good but his scan showed what they thought was one of two things: 1) bowel blockages, OR 2) kidney stones.  considering his symptoms they are more inclined to think it is the first one.  I tend to agree.  His liver is slightly enlarged becuz of all the toxins it is having to deal with becuz of the blockages.  They are going to try dosing him with miralax and stool softeners first to see if it dislodges it.  I know it SOUNDS funny for anyone reading this but it is painful and poisonous to the system.  He had this happen many years ago right after his dad went off the deep end and then came crawling back home asking for my help.  Then TJ's health took a turn for the worse like this.  He ended up having to have his appendicts removed, too, becuz they got enflamed from all the toxins.  We are not sure how this happens...what is causing it.  But if they can't get things cleared up quickly he may have to have surgery.  I told him he really needs to quit drinking so much soda.  Perhaps the amount of sodium he takes in from that is making it worse.  I don't know...I'm grasping at straws.

I just know that it always seems when things go horribly wrong for/with my husband, TJ's health takes a down turn.  I never have just one thing to deal with at a time. 

And now...

Flashing Cougars

It has rained for 2 days now.  How wonderful!  Our latest utility bill came...it has the water/sewer/electric/trash on it.  Half of it is still covering the extra electric use from the nephew...and he used A LOT himself, plus the extra water/sewer... but it also covers all the extra water usage from watering the lawn and flowers.  It is a BEAUTY!  ugh.

I was contacted by the electric company that covers areas south of us about a job I had interviewed for...went through the info session and screening interview, computer testing, then the grueling hour and half, 3 panel interviewing process.  They wanted to offer me a job.  I will be getting my 'instruction' letter in the mail in the next few days.  It tells me where to go for the background check and drug testing.  IF I pass both of those (HA!) then I should begin training on Aug. 13.  Training is 40 hours a week for 4 weeks.  It starts the Monday after the bus tour vaca with my parents/sisters.  My mother is relieved.  My daughter is disappointed becuz she selflessly volunteered to take my place had I not been able to full fill my obligation.  To which my youngest sister said, "REALLY?  She WANTED to go on a bus tour with a bunch of old people?"  She just wanted to go on a vacation!

While the training period misses the vacation trip schedule, it will run smack into the first two weeks of my college classes.  For 4 of my classes it will not be a problem...3 of them are online, a 4th one I can reschedule for Thursday night instead of Tuesday morning...but the MAIN pivotal class I can do nothing about.  It is late Tuesday afternoon.  My son had this particular instructor for a few classes and he assures me that she can be flexible within reason and considering the reason...she could archive the class online for me to view.  It would be the first 2 classes.  Once training is done, I only have to work one full day and then 2 four-hour days...with the option to pick up an extra shift.

This is the job where one of the interviewers happened to also be an x-teacher, liked the a facts that I used to work in a bank AND am going back to college for computer programming.  She said that my teaching background and banking background will be very helpful for what my job would entail AND once I get some computer programming classes under my belt she would like to use me to help her design an updated data base system for their department.  No pressure.

I am waiting until I get the letter and look things over before I put in my notice at the store.  Poor Aaron...he is not going to be a happy camper.  He will be losing me and Ryan (he's going back to college) and Larry, who is transferring to another store closer to where he lives.  That leaves him with Quizzy who is kinda light on reasoning abilities, and Pat who is nice but lazy, Erica who only wants to work 2 shifts a week, Jeremy who can only work 3rd shift a few times a week, Zack who works ONLY 3rd shift cuz he is a computer geek that likes to sleep all day, Ashley who can only work in the kitchen becuz she can't get along with the customers, and Kylie.  Kylie might be able to work more.  But she breaks things.  Guess he's going to be training some more ppl!

And when Aaron asks me why I would want to leave...let's see...more pay...I don't have to empty the trash or clean any bathrooms at any time...or make coffee.  No coffee...at anytime.  LOL!!! 

I could essentially ride to work with my next door neighbor Derek on Mondays!  yeeeaaahhhh....no.  He tends to get on my nerves...he's a bit too nosey and know-it-all for me.

On another note...my Sirius radio subscription for my car came up for renewal.  I told my husband to cut it.  While satellite radio has its perks...the price isn't one of them.  As I pointed out...i'm not in my car all that much and there are a bazillion radio stations to listen to in this area PLUS I have an mp3 player I can plug in and listen to. 

Took my daughter down to a local show arena to buy her and TJ some XFest tickets for their birthdays again (like last year...xfest is between their birthdays).  She was so excited and talked a mile a minute all the way there (it's first thing in the morning!  SHUSH!).  We got there and her fave radio station was set up there streaming live.  We were stopped before entering the building by some youngsters in black t-shirts, black hair, gauges, and tattoos handing out demo CDs...one of the bands for xfest.  I was surprised that they handed me one as well.  I told them while I appreciated the thought I would be handing it on to my son for whom I was also buying the ticket cuz I'm old and their music is a wee bit out of my realm.  The one kid laughed and said, 'you never know...you might like it if you give it a listen."  I laughed and said, "I'm pretty much guessing you are not on the same block as Gavin Degraw."  He laughed too and said, "My girlfriend likes Gavin...he's not too bad.  You might want to listen to us on your CD player in your car!"  I said, "both my kids will have one of these...I'm sure I'll hear it."  and went inside to get the tickets.  I stepped up to the lady at the window, who was grey haired and looked grumpy and I said, "Nothing like getting accosted first thing in the day!"  I think her face cracked cuz she suddenly started laughing!  I asked her for 2 tickets, and then handed them to my daughter and said, "Happy birthday to you and your brother."  The woman got this look on her face like, "oh...that's nice" like she was relaxing.  Once I got outside I kinda understood why.  There were grown women of the 50-60 age range dancing around in little tops and little shorts, sporting some questionable tattoos and flirting with the disc jockeys (please...the tattoos are fooling no one...the spider veins still show! and tank tops don't help the flapping arms!)  The disc jockeys were looking slightly uncomfortable but being kind.  And I was thinking "who said being a cougar was sexy?"  Do they KNOW how ridiculous they look?  I know I was depressed and cried for 2 weeks when I turned 50 but somewhere along the line one must come to grips with reality.  Show some dignity!  If you can rock a tank top and daisy dukes at that age, congrats.  BUT don't be hitting on guys young enough to be your son/grandson!  As for the tattoos, it is no secret that I am not a fan of them at all BUT at least don't use them to try and camoflage the varicose and spider veins and stretch marks cuz it is just pathetic.  LOL!

Anyhow, I dropped an entry paper into the box for Ms. Bethany to win a prize.  You had to be present to win and there was only 20 more minutes.  They ended up drawing her name and she won a Black Keys CD...I know she listens to them and I don't find them entirely annoying.

On the way home she was talking even more and even faster (think Chip and Dale...LOL!  I love my daughter, I love my daughter).  She put the demo CD in and it sounded like someone trying to sing and barf at the same time.  She tried another song...it started out nice...then the barfing began.  yeah...eject. 
So...what do Sick Puppies sound like?  I've heard Seether and Dropkick Murphies (on the list of bands to be there) and then there is something called 'falling in reverse' that Amber says she LOVES (I'm not sure if she meant the band or the actual act of it).  But if they are a barf and sing kinda band...I don't get it.

My youngest sister Melissa says her husband Matt loves Dropkick Murphies and every time he puts the CD in the player they all run and hide.  LMAO!  Perhaps he would like XFest...where he can get some music and a peep show all at once.  According to TJ there was a lot of the Cougars doing some 'flash' dancing last year.  ew...again...HOW OLD ARE YOU???  gaaaahhhhhh.

and yes...I bought them tickets for that A-GAIN.