Punch Happy

I had a bad day.   It scared me.

Wednesday the weather was turning bad.  I woke up in pain...stiff, sore, points of pain that felt like the point of a steak knife digging in.  My brain was unable to allow me access to information...reasoning. 

I was at work and coming up against things I KNEW the answer to and I could not THINK.  It was like trying to swim through hospital jello.    A few weeks ago the doctor had tried me on a new anti-depression med.  I was on it for a week when it sent me reeling into such a major anxiety I had periods of paranoia.  I was in my chair in the livingroom for 4 days...immobile.  I didn't care about ANYTHING.  I know my kids were confused and yet...when I told them the meds made me anxious and immobile, they understood that.  That is kinda sad...they understood that.  They have been through med side affects.  I could have come out of it a lot sooner if I had understood.  I thought the meds were NOT working.  Then by the end of the third day it dawned on me.  I did some web research and found ppl that had been put on the meds she gave me complaining of the same side affects.  I quit.  By Sunday I was feeling good...happy.  I was great the whole next week. 

This week I was kinda dragging a bit.  But Wednesday...scared me. Once the storms passed I was okay.  Have been okay. 

I don't want to try any more meds right now.  She had tried me on Cymbalta first.  It killed the pain.  It was GREAT!  But after a week on that stuff I found myself being temperamental and wanting to punch someone.  It took all my reserves to keep myself from yelling at some of the difficult customers and telling then exactly what I thought/felt.  Needless to say, I quit taking that.  As the doctor had told me, I was on the smallest dose there was of that so there was no weening me off it.

I had a weekend to recover.  By Monday I was okay again.

I am putting up with the pain.  I have 2 days a month I am allowed to use for sick days because of my fibromyalgia...and it won't be held against me as far as attendance.  Thanks to the meds I used those 2 days plus a floating holiday at the beginning of the month.  I can't use any time until after next week. 

This last Wednesday would have been an excellent time to have an FMLA day to use.  My supervisor (young enough to be my son) laughed cuz he thought it was funny that volatile weather could make me hurt so badly and make it difficult for me to think.  He said, "so are you like a barometer?" 

Yuck it up youngster.

You know he asked me what Epsom Salts is?

Looking Through the Wide Angle Lens

My son is at the precipice.  I remember how it felt when I graduated from college and then I was 'waiting' for my life to start.

My son graduated mid-March, he proposed to his gf this last Saturday, and he has a job interview tomorrow.

I like Britt.  She is sweet and has a lot of the same values as he does.  She thinks he is sweet and handsome and just the best.  He thinks she is gorgeous and sweet...although he says she is surprisingly shallow about some things.  I told him to be patient and help her grow.  She hasn't exactly had the best of examples around her. 

Her family had an Easter egg hunt at the family dinner at her grandma's horse farm.  They staged it to help TJ with the proposal.  Her step-dad said there was a special large egg with money in it.  TJ put the ring box in it and they told him where they hid it.  He 'found' it, opened it up and handed her the egg to see what was inside.  And as she pulled it out of the egg, he went down on one knee and asked her to marry him.  She choked up, said, "Yess!" and kissed him.  She has a good story for the kids.

Now TJ is getting everything together to go for an interview...for a summer job...that is basically a 'try out' for a more permanent gig.  It is for a company that owns radio broadcast stations around the US.  The job is for their summer promotions teams for onsight locals and concerts. 

Bethany has yet to land herself a summer job...or any job.  She is hoping that she will be included in some of the opportunities the school has for internships to set up and run the boards for concerts.  They get paid pretty good.

I wish I had something fun to do that made me money.  but then again, if you HAVE to be there, even if it is for money...it kinda takes the fun out of it.

I have started back on my exercise and change to healthy foods.  I have until august 2015...so I am not fat for the wedding pictures.

Remodeling Job

So I have been to the doctor...was prescribed stuff, had tests.  And here is the results:  no breast cancer (yay...but wasn't worried about that), doesn't seem to be anything wrong with my thyroid, the nasal allergy med worked the first week and now not so much, she doesn't believe me that I have fibro (she calls it something else and thinks if I have joint tenderness I must be having trouble with arthritis) and prescribed something to take care of mood and pain at the same time.  It did quell the pain for about 8 hours a day but instead of taking care of my depression it just made me feel impatient and easily angered.  I quit it.  I had to choose between 8 hours of pain free with rage or no rage and deal with the pain 24/7.  I am not a rage kinda person and, considering my job, it was not an option.  So, she has not done me much of any good.  I have to see her next week so I am going armed with pictures and charts, etc. to make her listen to me about my pain.  She is kind of what the kids would refer to as 'buttish'. 

I like the ppl I work with but not so much my job.  I keep looking for something else and submitting applications.  Someday. 

I was thinking about the ppl and situations that have made me who I am.  After reading my last post there are a lot of things there that have made me who I am.  There is one person in my much younger life, beside my parents, that deserves some recognition.  It was Kim...my best friend from 7th grade to HS graduation.  She was so opposite of me.  Tall, blonde, loud, self assured...risk taker.  I was a shy, anxiety filled ball of paranoia.  We were forced together.  We had ALL of our classes together in 7th grade.  I was horrified at first.  I disliked her loud pushy ways.  She thought I was a goody two shoes.  But she made the first move and told me, "We can either get to know each other and find a way to be friends or we will have a miserable year."  So, I decided to give it a try.  She ended up helping me out of my shell, to a certain point, and I was her voice of reason.  We also kept each other on our toes as far as GPA and studies.  Not that it ended up mattering all that much. 

I have been through many transformations since then but I am at a point where I am liking who I am so much better.  I still have things about me I would like to change or wish were different but, like my parents house, I am a continuing work in progress.